You know the most frustrating thing about leaving all your friends and family behind? It's everything you end up missing. Now, for those of you that know me, you know that I'm getting a divorce, and I've been separated for around 6 months now. So I still shouldn't be thinking about this, but for some reason it's been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe it's regret, maybe it's guilt, maybe it's a combination of both. I don't really know, but I do know that I am hugely regretting a lot of decisions I made back when I was 23... good lord, it really doesn't seem like it's been almost 7 years, but it has. And trust me when I say I got some really big shocks when I came back. Good shocks, but shocks nonetheless. I've seen a lot more things I would have missed since I came back and I am soooooooo glad that I did. I don't want to miss anymore!
The one thing I will never forgive myself for is the way I just up and left everyone. Stopped talking to people. Stopped seeing people. Stopped doing anything with anybody. Let's put aside for the moment, that I did this to my family as well as my friends, cause this I hate to think about even more, but we'll get to that in a minute. What I want to talk about right now is the thing that bugs me the most about not seeing people who, even though they are my friends and no blood relation to me, I have always thought of them as family. Not only did I miss the teenagers growing up into adults and starting their own lives and having their own kids, I also missed the kids that were already around growing up. And when I talk about this, I want you to understand something. All of these kids I am talking about, I was very close to. Some of them I even call my babies to this very day, because no matter how much time has passed with me being away, I never forgot them. Not one day went by that I didn't think about them. Now, imagine having these kids with you on a daily basis. Taking them with you wherever you went, doing anything and everything with them, and being around them all the time. Then just leaving them. Not calling again. Not coming over anymore. I mean, who does that? Especially to a kid? How can they possibly understand any reason I have for that? Which, I readily admit, there are no good ones. Just plain stupidity on my part and that is the honest to God's truth.
Thankfully though, I am blessed enough that, after a certain amount of time, those particular kids learned to trust me again...at least somewhat lol. They still give me grief and pick on me because I left, but I honestly don't blame them for that and I laugh along with em when they say that I'll probably do it again. But what they don't know is that I never would. I made that mistake once in my life and I absolutely refuse to do it again. So, no matter what anyone says, or who I'm going to be with in the future, I won't be the same person I was when I was 23. Mostly because I'm not that person right now lol.
Now, I'm going to quickly skate over the fact that I'm a horrible aunt and in the 6 years of my marriage, I barely saw anyone in my family, even my nephews. Horrible, really, when you sit there and think about it. What was stopping me from saying, screw this, I'm going to see so and so... yada, yada, you know what I mean. Again, I have no good reason. But again, I am blessed because my family wants what's best for me and as long as I at least appear to be happy, then they are too. And they, like my awesome friends, are an amazingly forgiving bunch and I don't know what I'd do without any of them, friends and family both, right now. They have been more helpful and supportive than I could have hoped for. Some even going above and beyond what I expected or deserve....and you know who you are and how much I love ya :D.
I know I'll never get that time back that I missed. Nor will I ever be able to turn back the clock and do it all over again. But I guess that's a part of life and how we learn. We grow more when we make mistakes I think than we do when things go right. Now, it's true I'm more closed off to other people than I was before, but that's ok. Those whom are close to me know me well enough that they don't need me to explain to them when something's wrong all the time. And I will tell you out of all of the people I am close to, there are really only a few who can actually pull things out of me easily. The rest of you fight and struggle to figure out what the hell my problem is, and I'm sorry for that, but I am trying to change that. Not that I wanna turn into a whinny idiot who spills all her problems to every person she knows all the time. But to be able to open up to others that are close to me, would really make me happier than I am with myself lol. Here I go, rambling on again, completely getting off the point......What I was gonna say was that even though I know I can't get the time back that I lost. I know that now I have the chance to at least see how things turn out with all these people I care about from here on out. I get to see kids going to HS for the first time, and going on Spring Break for the first time out of state, and just......growing. And I love it. I wouldn't change anything about my life at the moment.
I will not leave again. I love you all more than I can explain, and more than some of you realize, or believe. :) I need you guys in my life because you have always been on my mind. I don't know how I lived my life without you before, but I certainly won't be doing it again.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Paranoid Much??
Is there ever a situation you're in when you get really paranoid and even though you don't want to be, or even have any real reason to be, you can't help this crazy feeling you have that something is about you?
Let's say for the sake of argument I have this friend that I talk to and we have gotten a little closer as the weeks and months have passed and all of the sudden this friend stops talking to me as much as they were. Now, in this situation, what do I do? I become paranoid. I go over and over in my mind what the last few things, or actually everything, I've said to this person that would make them stop talking to me. And even though I can't think of anything, and even though I have information that shows it may have absolutely nothing to do with me at all, I still can't help but wonder.
This is a side of me that I *know* needs to be changed. And my goodness I am trying so hard not to be so "me" about this one, but it's just not working out so well for me. My issue is that if I ask this person and it turns out that it really doens't have anything to do with me, I feel like a complete and total ass for even worrying about it in the first place. Not to mention complete embarrassment for thinking it's all about me, me, me.
So, I've also as of late been working on the patience thing. So I'm thinking that I need to combine the two here and be patient, and maybe my friend will talk to me about why we haven't talked, and I'll find out it wasn't about me, and I'll be able to help said friend with whatever's going on with them. At the very least, be there for them and listen if they need to talk or vent or whatever. What if, though, it turns out to be about me after all?
Then what?
Oh and by the way, school is going great. Still getting an "A" average and actually understanding what I'm learning. LFMAO!!!!
Let's say for the sake of argument I have this friend that I talk to and we have gotten a little closer as the weeks and months have passed and all of the sudden this friend stops talking to me as much as they were. Now, in this situation, what do I do? I become paranoid. I go over and over in my mind what the last few things, or actually everything, I've said to this person that would make them stop talking to me. And even though I can't think of anything, and even though I have information that shows it may have absolutely nothing to do with me at all, I still can't help but wonder.
This is a side of me that I *know* needs to be changed. And my goodness I am trying so hard not to be so "me" about this one, but it's just not working out so well for me. My issue is that if I ask this person and it turns out that it really doens't have anything to do with me, I feel like a complete and total ass for even worrying about it in the first place. Not to mention complete embarrassment for thinking it's all about me, me, me.
So, I've also as of late been working on the patience thing. So I'm thinking that I need to combine the two here and be patient, and maybe my friend will talk to me about why we haven't talked, and I'll find out it wasn't about me, and I'll be able to help said friend with whatever's going on with them. At the very least, be there for them and listen if they need to talk or vent or whatever. What if, though, it turns out to be about me after all?
Then what?
Oh and by the way, school is going great. Still getting an "A" average and actually understanding what I'm learning. LFMAO!!!!
Monday, August 3, 2009
When In Doubt...
Why is it so hard for us to do something we really want to do? Why do we fear a certain reaction when we know, maybe only deep down, but we know, which reaction we are really going to get. What is it that makes, well, some of us anyway, not do the thing we want to do and then be upset about it later? Is it really the nerve we have already ingrained in us or is it something else?
For me at least I already know the answer. I have no nerve. I have no guts.......well, sometimes anyway. So if there's something that I really want, I can't just take it, or do whatever I have to to get it. Which is kinda sad really considering everything else I'm comfortable doing lol. Seriously though, what I mean is that in certain situations, I find that what I want is just beyond my grasp. There are times when I could care less about the consequences of my actions and I do what I want, but sometimes something prevents me in these crucial moments from doing just that. And unfortunately in these moments that I don't take what I want, I end up thoroughly disappointing myself and wishing I could just turn back the time and do it all over again. I highly doubt I would end up with different results so I may just go back again and again and again until I actually got the nerve to do what I needed to do lol.
What I'm mostly curious about at the moment is why we get so mad at ourselves, at least I do, not so sure about the rest of you, but yet we do absolutely nothing different the next time the opportunity arises. It's the same thing over and over again. Just a vicious circle of doubt and want and doing nothing about it. Take a chance for the love of god! Do something instead of just whining about it!!
For me at least I already know the answer. I have no nerve. I have no guts.......well, sometimes anyway. So if there's something that I really want, I can't just take it, or do whatever I have to to get it. Which is kinda sad really considering everything else I'm comfortable doing lol. Seriously though, what I mean is that in certain situations, I find that what I want is just beyond my grasp. There are times when I could care less about the consequences of my actions and I do what I want, but sometimes something prevents me in these crucial moments from doing just that. And unfortunately in these moments that I don't take what I want, I end up thoroughly disappointing myself and wishing I could just turn back the time and do it all over again. I highly doubt I would end up with different results so I may just go back again and again and again until I actually got the nerve to do what I needed to do lol.
What I'm mostly curious about at the moment is why we get so mad at ourselves, at least I do, not so sure about the rest of you, but yet we do absolutely nothing different the next time the opportunity arises. It's the same thing over and over again. Just a vicious circle of doubt and want and doing nothing about it. Take a chance for the love of god! Do something instead of just whining about it!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Expectations
Sometimes our expectations of things are way too high. So why are we then disappointed afterwards? It's not like we didn't know, maybe deep down, that certain things weren't going to happen the way we would have preferred them to. I'm of the opinion that no matter what we may "know", we generally don't pay attention to that, but concentrate instead on what we want. We shouldn't be surprised in those cases to find that things aren't all that they're cracked up to be. We shouldn't get frustrated... irritated... annoyed... downright pissed off...
But we do.. well, some people do (me included), but others handle disappointment much better. I on the other hand handle it like.... *stomps feet and throws a fit* ... like that :D
LOL.. ok, not always, but sometimes. In this case, almost. I felt like throwing a fit, stomping my feet and clenching my fists like a child with a scowl on my face, ripping my hair out of my head, anything to keep me from screaming as loud as I can. :D I didn't really do any of that, but I wanted to.
Here's to hoping next time either my expectations aren't too high or the disappointment isn't quite so bad. lol
But we do.. well, some people do (me included), but others handle disappointment much better. I on the other hand handle it like.... *stomps feet and throws a fit* ... like that :D
LOL.. ok, not always, but sometimes. In this case, almost. I felt like throwing a fit, stomping my feet and clenching my fists like a child with a scowl on my face, ripping my hair out of my head, anything to keep me from screaming as loud as I can. :D I didn't really do any of that, but I wanted to.
Here's to hoping next time either my expectations aren't too high or the disappointment isn't quite so bad. lol
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
So... idk
It's been so damn long since I came here, let alone even thought about something to write. First of all, for those of you who may happen upon this, still doing well in school. Grades just came in, still A's so that's good. Learning medical terms right now... I have one word to say about that. ICK! Fun though, actually, so I'm not complaining too much. It's quite easy after you learn the word parts. And I've finally remembered why I detested index cards in HS. Oh well, it's how I learn best so might as well just get over it and carry on. LOL
So anyway... not much else going on besides school and work. Going through some rough times, but that's life right? Live and learn and all that jazz. I have learned something about myself that, after 29 years on this earth you'd think I would have realized by now. I get easily attached to people, very easily attached. And while that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's not *always* a good thing either. Sometimes it's a big mistake, sometimes just a little one... and sometimes it's a bit of both. Especially if a real friendship that has a very good chance of continuing is cultivated in the process of becoming attached to that person. Anyway, things will work out for the best. Even if they don't, we move on and try again. :D
So anyway... not much else going on besides school and work. Going through some rough times, but that's life right? Live and learn and all that jazz. I have learned something about myself that, after 29 years on this earth you'd think I would have realized by now. I get easily attached to people, very easily attached. And while that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's not *always* a good thing either. Sometimes it's a big mistake, sometimes just a little one... and sometimes it's a bit of both. Especially if a real friendship that has a very good chance of continuing is cultivated in the process of becoming attached to that person. Anyway, things will work out for the best. Even if they don't, we move on and try again. :D
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Grades, Spades, and.. um, Easter
Ok, so first off I'd like to toot my own horn, if you don't mind. As you probably know, I'm taking online college courses, and I just checked my overall grades for my two current classes this afternoon. In one class I'm getting a 96.5% and in the other a 97.2%!! HOLY CRACKER! I did fairly well in High School, but my grades generally averaged in the B range. I did receive some A's, but nothing like this. Admittedly, the classes I'm taking at the moment are not difficult compared to what I know is coming, but I'm still proud of myself. It's no secret that I have been much busier lately than in the past, but I stick to my study schedule every single day, no matter what is going on in my life. If this keeps up, I might actually graduate with a decent GPA, lol.
I adore Easter for many reasons, but one of the main ones is because I like to see how adorable the kids are dressed that day. It seems everyone I know puts their kids in little suits and the most gorgeous dresses on Easter. For instance, one of my friend's sons was wearing a gray and white pin-striped suit. SO FREAKIN' CUTE!!!! Anyway, for Easter this year one of my girlfriends took her three daughters shopping and bought them matching shorts and shirts. Then she and her boyfriend bought shirts to match the girls. Obviously the adult's shirts weren't the same exact ones as the kid's, just the colors matched, but they all looked so damn cute together. The girls all wore these matching plaid shorts, which I generally don't think are cute, but were in this case.
One of my friends encountered a bit of a dilemma when shopping for Easter presents this year. She has three girls and when she buys one something, the other two get the same thing. If not, then she hears "Mom got this for me." "No, she didn't, it's mine!" and so on. You get my point. She has to buy 3 of everything. But what do you do when you find two of something, but can't find a third. She encountered this problem while shopping for summer toys for the girls. Wanting to give them something they could play with at the beach she looked for those sets of shovels, and buckets and such that always pop up around the summer. She found two, but she couldn't find a third one. Hours we spent, going from store to store, looking for a third. Finally we found one, thankfully. Each of the girls was very happy with their gift and that always makes me smile.
I adore Easter for many reasons, but one of the main ones is because I like to see how adorable the kids are dressed that day. It seems everyone I know puts their kids in little suits and the most gorgeous dresses on Easter. For instance, one of my friend's sons was wearing a gray and white pin-striped suit. SO FREAKIN' CUTE!!!! Anyway, for Easter this year one of my girlfriends took her three daughters shopping and bought them matching shorts and shirts. Then she and her boyfriend bought shirts to match the girls. Obviously the adult's shirts weren't the same exact ones as the kid's, just the colors matched, but they all looked so damn cute together. The girls all wore these matching plaid shorts, which I generally don't think are cute, but were in this case.
One of my friends encountered a bit of a dilemma when shopping for Easter presents this year. She has three girls and when she buys one something, the other two get the same thing. If not, then she hears "Mom got this for me." "No, she didn't, it's mine!" and so on. You get my point. She has to buy 3 of everything. But what do you do when you find two of something, but can't find a third. She encountered this problem while shopping for summer toys for the girls. Wanting to give them something they could play with at the beach she looked for those sets of shovels, and buckets and such that always pop up around the summer. She found two, but she couldn't find a third one. Hours we spent, going from store to store, looking for a third. Finally we found one, thankfully. Each of the girls was very happy with their gift and that always makes me smile.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Little White Lies That Turn Into Big Ones
This is proof positive why you should NOT lie to people. When you tell someone a little white lie, no matter your reasons for doing it, you are pushing yourself into a corner you cannot get out of without telling the person you lied and having to fess up to the truth at some point. If you don't get caught in the lie, then you don't have to worry about it. But how often does it happen that we do actually get away with it? Not often I think.
As an example let me bore you with this little story. I told a friend of mine what I thought at the time was a little lie, no big deal. Wrong. As time passed I had to make up more information about the lie because I was too embarrassed to admit the truth. Well, I have now told this person the truth, though I did it in an email like a wimp. I won't know the outcome of this for a few days at least, but I'm terrified of what my friend will say to me. I hope they won't be so mad at me that they stop talking to me but that certainly is a possibility.
Aren't we all taught from a very young age how wrong it is to lie to anyone about anything? I know sometimes in our lives we make a call when we think the lie is the better road to take for various different reasons. But is that really true? I'm not saying that you should always tell everyone exactly what you think, that would just be ridiculous and you'd probably piss a lot of people off that way. I guess I'm just curious about when is it okay to lie? Where do you draw the line? In this case it wasn't anything I consider that big a deal, just a detail about me that I was not truthful about. But again, the little lie itself turned bigger as time went on.
And I truly feel that if you are trying to build a friendship with someone you should not lie to them. A guilty conscious pushed me into telling my friend the truth and I just might regret doing that.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
As an example let me bore you with this little story. I told a friend of mine what I thought at the time was a little lie, no big deal. Wrong. As time passed I had to make up more information about the lie because I was too embarrassed to admit the truth. Well, I have now told this person the truth, though I did it in an email like a wimp. I won't know the outcome of this for a few days at least, but I'm terrified of what my friend will say to me. I hope they won't be so mad at me that they stop talking to me but that certainly is a possibility.
Aren't we all taught from a very young age how wrong it is to lie to anyone about anything? I know sometimes in our lives we make a call when we think the lie is the better road to take for various different reasons. But is that really true? I'm not saying that you should always tell everyone exactly what you think, that would just be ridiculous and you'd probably piss a lot of people off that way. I guess I'm just curious about when is it okay to lie? Where do you draw the line? In this case it wasn't anything I consider that big a deal, just a detail about me that I was not truthful about. But again, the little lie itself turned bigger as time went on.
And I truly feel that if you are trying to build a friendship with someone you should not lie to them. A guilty conscious pushed me into telling my friend the truth and I just might regret doing that.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Queen For A Week
*points to the title* I'm serious! They actually picked me this time. Weird, I know. And quite honestly not something I thought would EVER happen no matter how long I stayed there. What am I talking about though? Right, an explanation would probably help. Most of my readers, if not all of them, are fellow members of AW so you already know what's going on... for the most part.
Inside of AW there are about a million or so threads (ok, not literally that many, but there are quite a few) and one of them is called Royalty for a Week. What happens is a person is chosen to become King or Queen for the whole week and they can do pretty much anything they like during their reign.
Direct quote from the very first RT post -
"Anyone can name another person on this board King/Queen of the Day. Just post here to say who you're electing and why, and let the fawning begin! Everyone else can join in to say why they appreciate that member, and the royal member gets to make royal decrees and stuff."
(Obviously it was changed to the week versus the day because things moved too quickly.)
We've had rulers showcase fellow AW writers, have their subjects participate in stories throughout the week, all kinds of different things. The point of the thread is to give someone at AW a little bit of recognition they wouldn't normally get.
I never thought that I would be picked as Queen. And OMG! I don't remember ever having so much fun and doing so much work all at the same time. I have friends who have ruled in the past and I thought I understood them when they said how much work it really was. I mean, of course it was a lot of work, but I didn't. Not until last Sunday when, much to my surprise, I recieved a rep asking if I would like to accept the crown. I almost said no. My fear of killing the thread was enough for me to not want to do it. But a little voice inside my head was telling me, just do it and see what happens. And quite honestly, the previous Queen who handed me her crown is a friend of mine and she was having trouble finding a replacement (that happens a lot actually) and I didn't want to tell her no. She had done an excellent job as Queen for her week and I really did feel honored that she even thought of me. So, I accepted.
Now, when I took on the position of Queen I was prepared for the people who would come in there and not even show me recognition, (which of course did happen) and the ones who would come in and show recognition, but who would make a joke out of the fact that I was the one picked. Some people did this less publicly than others, but it still happened. Whatever. It's ridiculous. What are we, teenagers? I'm not saying I haven't been miffed on occasion this week, because I have. But as one of my VERY wise friends told me, "They do it just to push your buttons so don't let it bother you." Excellent advice!
So I set my irritation at the less supportive aside and decided to have some fun with my friends this week. That was my goal right from the start. So my best friend and I got together and started working on this Fantasy story because I chose to make it a Fantasy themed week. Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore anything Fantasy related. And no, I'm not meaning whips and chains so get your minds out of the gutter.
Over the course of the week I have had more people than I thought participating and it has been more fun then I ever imagined it would be. Obviously there are people who don't care for our story, but I don't give a sh*t about them. I have succeeded in my original goal as Queen to have fun this week, as have my friends. So, all in all, I'm happy. It has been a VERY long week and I have neglected other things during that time that I must get back to once my reign is over. But I wouldn't go back and change my decision even if I could.
So here's a HUGE hug and the biggest thank you to everyone who was kind enough to join us this week. I couldn't have done it without you guys. And I do hope that you will treat my successor with the same respect, love, and devotion you have shown me.
Yes, I know who I'm choosing next, and no I'm not telling you. Guess you'll just have to come on over and find out.
Inside of AW there are about a million or so threads (ok, not literally that many, but there are quite a few) and one of them is called Royalty for a Week. What happens is a person is chosen to become King or Queen for the whole week and they can do pretty much anything they like during their reign.
Direct quote from the very first RT post -
"Anyone can name another person on this board King/Queen of the Day. Just post here to say who you're electing and why, and let the fawning begin! Everyone else can join in to say why they appreciate that member, and the royal member gets to make royal decrees and stuff."
(Obviously it was changed to the week versus the day because things moved too quickly.)
We've had rulers showcase fellow AW writers, have their subjects participate in stories throughout the week, all kinds of different things. The point of the thread is to give someone at AW a little bit of recognition they wouldn't normally get.
I never thought that I would be picked as Queen. And OMG! I don't remember ever having so much fun and doing so much work all at the same time. I have friends who have ruled in the past and I thought I understood them when they said how much work it really was. I mean, of course it was a lot of work, but I didn't. Not until last Sunday when, much to my surprise, I recieved a rep asking if I would like to accept the crown. I almost said no. My fear of killing the thread was enough for me to not want to do it. But a little voice inside my head was telling me, just do it and see what happens. And quite honestly, the previous Queen who handed me her crown is a friend of mine and she was having trouble finding a replacement (that happens a lot actually) and I didn't want to tell her no. She had done an excellent job as Queen for her week and I really did feel honored that she even thought of me. So, I accepted.
Now, when I took on the position of Queen I was prepared for the people who would come in there and not even show me recognition, (which of course did happen) and the ones who would come in and show recognition, but who would make a joke out of the fact that I was the one picked. Some people did this less publicly than others, but it still happened. Whatever. It's ridiculous. What are we, teenagers? I'm not saying I haven't been miffed on occasion this week, because I have. But as one of my VERY wise friends told me, "They do it just to push your buttons so don't let it bother you." Excellent advice!
So I set my irritation at the less supportive aside and decided to have some fun with my friends this week. That was my goal right from the start. So my best friend and I got together and started working on this Fantasy story because I chose to make it a Fantasy themed week. Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore anything Fantasy related. And no, I'm not meaning whips and chains so get your minds out of the gutter.
Over the course of the week I have had more people than I thought participating and it has been more fun then I ever imagined it would be. Obviously there are people who don't care for our story, but I don't give a sh*t about them. I have succeeded in my original goal as Queen to have fun this week, as have my friends. So, all in all, I'm happy. It has been a VERY long week and I have neglected other things during that time that I must get back to once my reign is over. But I wouldn't go back and change my decision even if I could.
So here's a HUGE hug and the biggest thank you to everyone who was kind enough to join us this week. I couldn't have done it without you guys. And I do hope that you will treat my successor with the same respect, love, and devotion you have shown me.
Yes, I know who I'm choosing next, and no I'm not telling you. Guess you'll just have to come on over and find out.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Foolish
Ok, so here I am again. It's Sunday afternoon and I have just finished something I thought would take me MUCH longer than it did. I'm sitting here on my comp with music playing in the background, and I started thinking about a few things I forgot to put on my last post. And since there is NOBODY AROUND and I am very easily bored, I figured why not post to my blog again....
So, first of all, the winner for the "What Genre Do You Read?" poll, even though it was multiple choice, is Sci-Fi/Fantasy, with Mystery/Thriller/Suspense coming in a close second. Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll, it is greatly appreciated.
I don't have brilliant thoughts. Or even thoughts that would be classified in the smart area. I look through things that my friends write and I wonder how in the world they can express themselves the way they do. I try to and just end up doing the following: confusing people, rambling on and completely leaving the point, not making any sense whatsoever, or just boring the pants off people. Seriously, if you know me then at least part of you knows this is true. You may not want to admit it, but it is. What do I know how to do besides flirt with anyone I deem worthy and act like a moron? Nothing, that's what. And for the record, the whole flirting thing HAS to stop. It does me no good. All it does is get me into trouble and put me in situations that I would rather avoid in the end. Being a natural flirt, it's hard to shut it off, but I am damn determined to do just that. (See? Getting off the point again.)
Anyway, some people I know think that I am smarter than I actually am. I don't know where they get ideas like that because, if they've actually listened to the things I have said, it is perfectly clear that I am far from smart. I can't offer insight to a person's situation and help them resolve whatever problem they are having like others can because I never know what to say to them. Ever! I always feel lame about it too because I would love to be able to help my friends. That's what friends do for each other. And I have a few friends who help me out practically on a daily basis and I can't seem to return the favor when they need it. When people around me are having discussions about something in politics, or history, or almost any other subject, I just sit back and watch the conversation. I don't contribute because I can't. I don't know what to say. In person I am extremely shy and I don't speak my mind the way I do when I'm on my computer. I will not open my mouth around people just because I am afraid that they will think what I have to say is as stupid as I think it is. There are certain occasions where I do speak my mind but generally those only happen when I'm pissed off about something. Then watch out! I take no prisoners. I am ruthless at those times. But the crap I say isn't smart, it's just emotional shit that is better left alone and unexpressed.
It seems that, these days, my emotions are taking a ride on a rollercoaster. I have days when I'm content and quiet, but for the most part it is either at the extreme where I am a total wreck and can barely function, or I am obsessed with one thought alone and nothing will deter me from it no matter what I try. I hide it well when I'm in one of my wreck modes. I hide it from my friends and from my family because I don't want them worrying about me. They have other concerns than my current state of mind, or continuing state of mind. But some days it is very hard indeed to pretend like nothing is bothering me. It's becoming harder and harder to pull myself out of these depressed states when it happens. I thought that keeping a journal, a private one that nobody but me knows the location of or what's written in it, would help me out, but all it has done is make me even more upset when I use it. Instead of these feelings at least alleviating a little bit, they seem to become stronger when I put my thoughts down. I was always told, like everyone else, that bottling these things up is never a good idea. But maybe it's best not to let the people around you know just how miserable you are with your life and how helpless you feel to change anything about it.
Another thing is, I don't make smart decisions regarding my life, or even some of the people I associate with. I am friends with people I have no business being friends with, and I could care less. It's completely selfish of me to keep these friends around for me and my amusement, but that is why I do keep them around. Not smart. Foolish. And quite frankly, mean as hell. If they knew who they were I'm sure they'd kick me in the ass and turn their backs on me. Who could blame them? It's what I would do if I found out that somebody was just pretending to be my friend. And more to the point, it's what I deserve and I know it. But just because I know it doesn't mean that I'm going to change it. All of you who think you know me, really don't know me that well. Until now you never realized just how horrible I can truly be at times. There are friends I have that I truly love and appreciate more than they will ever know. And there are some in particular that I don't know what I'd do without at this point in my life. I just hope I never have to know.
So, first of all, the winner for the "What Genre Do You Read?" poll, even though it was multiple choice, is Sci-Fi/Fantasy, with Mystery/Thriller/Suspense coming in a close second. Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll, it is greatly appreciated.
I don't have brilliant thoughts. Or even thoughts that would be classified in the smart area. I look through things that my friends write and I wonder how in the world they can express themselves the way they do. I try to and just end up doing the following: confusing people, rambling on and completely leaving the point, not making any sense whatsoever, or just boring the pants off people. Seriously, if you know me then at least part of you knows this is true. You may not want to admit it, but it is. What do I know how to do besides flirt with anyone I deem worthy and act like a moron? Nothing, that's what. And for the record, the whole flirting thing HAS to stop. It does me no good. All it does is get me into trouble and put me in situations that I would rather avoid in the end. Being a natural flirt, it's hard to shut it off, but I am damn determined to do just that. (See? Getting off the point again.)
Anyway, some people I know think that I am smarter than I actually am. I don't know where they get ideas like that because, if they've actually listened to the things I have said, it is perfectly clear that I am far from smart. I can't offer insight to a person's situation and help them resolve whatever problem they are having like others can because I never know what to say to them. Ever! I always feel lame about it too because I would love to be able to help my friends. That's what friends do for each other. And I have a few friends who help me out practically on a daily basis and I can't seem to return the favor when they need it. When people around me are having discussions about something in politics, or history, or almost any other subject, I just sit back and watch the conversation. I don't contribute because I can't. I don't know what to say. In person I am extremely shy and I don't speak my mind the way I do when I'm on my computer. I will not open my mouth around people just because I am afraid that they will think what I have to say is as stupid as I think it is. There are certain occasions where I do speak my mind but generally those only happen when I'm pissed off about something. Then watch out! I take no prisoners. I am ruthless at those times. But the crap I say isn't smart, it's just emotional shit that is better left alone and unexpressed.
It seems that, these days, my emotions are taking a ride on a rollercoaster. I have days when I'm content and quiet, but for the most part it is either at the extreme where I am a total wreck and can barely function, or I am obsessed with one thought alone and nothing will deter me from it no matter what I try. I hide it well when I'm in one of my wreck modes. I hide it from my friends and from my family because I don't want them worrying about me. They have other concerns than my current state of mind, or continuing state of mind. But some days it is very hard indeed to pretend like nothing is bothering me. It's becoming harder and harder to pull myself out of these depressed states when it happens. I thought that keeping a journal, a private one that nobody but me knows the location of or what's written in it, would help me out, but all it has done is make me even more upset when I use it. Instead of these feelings at least alleviating a little bit, they seem to become stronger when I put my thoughts down. I was always told, like everyone else, that bottling these things up is never a good idea. But maybe it's best not to let the people around you know just how miserable you are with your life and how helpless you feel to change anything about it.
Another thing is, I don't make smart decisions regarding my life, or even some of the people I associate with. I am friends with people I have no business being friends with, and I could care less. It's completely selfish of me to keep these friends around for me and my amusement, but that is why I do keep them around. Not smart. Foolish. And quite frankly, mean as hell. If they knew who they were I'm sure they'd kick me in the ass and turn their backs on me. Who could blame them? It's what I would do if I found out that somebody was just pretending to be my friend. And more to the point, it's what I deserve and I know it. But just because I know it doesn't mean that I'm going to change it. All of you who think you know me, really don't know me that well. Until now you never realized just how horrible I can truly be at times. There are friends I have that I truly love and appreciate more than they will ever know. And there are some in particular that I don't know what I'd do without at this point in my life. I just hope I never have to know.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Bored Post About Something That Interests Only Me
I am so damn bored right now. It's Saturday night, 11:29 by my comp clock, and I'm bored out of my fucking mind. But I'm being stupid right now, sitting around waiting for somebody to show up that probably won't show up.
IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!
Is there anyone you do that for? Just sit around with the comp on just in case they decide to show up? Or is it just me? Sometimes I think it's way dumb, but I just can't help myself. I enjoy talking to this person too much to NOT be around if they decide to show up. Besides, I can multi-task with the best of them. While I'm writing this I am also in IM with a friend, I have Smallville Season 6 on in the background... it's an episode that I don't like as much as the others so I don't mind missing every little detail. It's not like I've never watched it before.
Anyway, back to my original rant. Why do I feel the need to sit here and wait for someone who may not even show up this evening? Why do I double check my IM every half hour or so, even though I know this person hasn't showed up yet because I have little messages that tell me when peeps sign on, to see if they are here? Why do I spend so much time speaking with this one person? Because they are a good friend and help me when I'm feeling down or having a crappy day? Because they help me with my writing when I need it? I honestly don't know why I am drawn to this particular person more than some others. There are certain aspects of said person that I cannot seem to pull myself away from no matter how hard I try. And where it's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm not sure it's a good thing either. (That may not make sense to you, but it does to me so.) Especially since I wait on tenterhooks for said person to IM me when their name shows up.
Me thinks that's stepping into the territory of obsession. And I've tried telling myself, "I'm not talking to that person, just close out the IM window when you get the message and pretend like you're not around." But I just can't seem to do it. And it disappoints me when I see that person's light on, but they don't IM me. God! I sound like a child. Grow up! I mean, I know that the person has more important things to do than to talk to me every chance they get. And quite honestly, I can be sooooooo boring at times. Most of the people I talk to in IM just leave without saying goodbye I get so boring.
So, what is it about this particular person that, even if we aren't talking, it's nice to know they are there? I DON'T KNOW! I'm trying to figure that one out at the moment. Maybe it's just a phase and I'll get over it. It is a bit childish when I really start to think about it and analyze it. I'm an adult and I should start acting like one.
*********
Sunday afternoon.....
*looks up at what she wrote the night before and sighs in exasperation*
Oy, this is why you shouldn't type things when you're all hopped up on drugs for pain. I woke up this morning and couldn't remember what in the world I'd written. I don't know what came over me last night, I have half a mind to delete the damn post so it's not taken in the wrong way.
Screw it, I can't do that. I just wouldn't be me if I deleted something in fear of what others might think about it. Sheesh Sneaks, waffle much.
Today is going to be a weird day, I can tell that already.......
Oh, and there's a new poll on the sidebar. :D
IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!
Is there anyone you do that for? Just sit around with the comp on just in case they decide to show up? Or is it just me? Sometimes I think it's way dumb, but I just can't help myself. I enjoy talking to this person too much to NOT be around if they decide to show up. Besides, I can multi-task with the best of them. While I'm writing this I am also in IM with a friend, I have Smallville Season 6 on in the background... it's an episode that I don't like as much as the others so I don't mind missing every little detail. It's not like I've never watched it before.
Anyway, back to my original rant. Why do I feel the need to sit here and wait for someone who may not even show up this evening? Why do I double check my IM every half hour or so, even though I know this person hasn't showed up yet because I have little messages that tell me when peeps sign on, to see if they are here? Why do I spend so much time speaking with this one person? Because they are a good friend and help me when I'm feeling down or having a crappy day? Because they help me with my writing when I need it? I honestly don't know why I am drawn to this particular person more than some others. There are certain aspects of said person that I cannot seem to pull myself away from no matter how hard I try. And where it's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm not sure it's a good thing either. (That may not make sense to you, but it does to me so.) Especially since I wait on tenterhooks for said person to IM me when their name shows up.
Me thinks that's stepping into the territory of obsession. And I've tried telling myself, "I'm not talking to that person, just close out the IM window when you get the message and pretend like you're not around." But I just can't seem to do it. And it disappoints me when I see that person's light on, but they don't IM me. God! I sound like a child. Grow up! I mean, I know that the person has more important things to do than to talk to me every chance they get. And quite honestly, I can be sooooooo boring at times. Most of the people I talk to in IM just leave without saying goodbye I get so boring.
So, what is it about this particular person that, even if we aren't talking, it's nice to know they are there? I DON'T KNOW! I'm trying to figure that one out at the moment. Maybe it's just a phase and I'll get over it. It is a bit childish when I really start to think about it and analyze it. I'm an adult and I should start acting like one.
*********
Sunday afternoon.....
*looks up at what she wrote the night before and sighs in exasperation*
Oy, this is why you shouldn't type things when you're all hopped up on drugs for pain. I woke up this morning and couldn't remember what in the world I'd written. I don't know what came over me last night, I have half a mind to delete the damn post so it's not taken in the wrong way.
Screw it, I can't do that. I just wouldn't be me if I deleted something in fear of what others might think about it. Sheesh Sneaks, waffle much.
Today is going to be a weird day, I can tell that already.......
Oh, and there's a new poll on the sidebar. :D
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Editing My Own Work
I suck at this. I suck soooo bad at this very thing that if I start editing my work, every word ends up in the trash. I am Queen of the backspace key I tell you. Princess of delete. They are my two best friends when I edit my work, and even at times while I'm writing.
Stupid? Yes.
Ridiculous? Absolutely.
Ludicrous? Ah, that's the one.
I mean, how am I ever supposed to be a good writer if I can't even edit my own work properly? A friend of mine knows about said idiocy and tells me what I need to do. Do you think I listen? Haha, nope. Even when I try to do what I'm told it doesn't work out for me. A few days ago I was editing my current SS and doing fairly well, at first. Then I started on the newest section that I have written and it went downhill from there. I had to stop myself, close the damn story, and even close Word so I wouldn't be tempted to do any more damamge to it. The thing is, the story is only five pages total so, it's not hard to edit right? Riiiight, sure it isn't.
It's hard for someone who can't stand to see how she writes because she knows for a fact that it's not good enough. My ideas are good, that I will brag about a little, but the way the stories are written is not. They are always filled with shit that doesn't need to be there. I swear when I finish this story and hand it to my friend, I'll get it back and more than half the words will be gone. Ramble much?
So what do I do? I try, really I do. It's just that when I'm writing a story I tend to like what's going on so much that I don't really pay attention to everything I'm writing. (Some of you out there will not understand that, but others will.) Then when I get to the editing process I look at my WIP and say WTF?!?!?!?! What were you thinking when you wrote that line? Or, various other things that aren't fit to print, warning on the blog or no. Hit the backspace key again... yep, it always comes back to that.
Another HUGE problem I have when I'm writing, not even to the editing yet, just the writing, is that I don't show enough of what's going on. I tell it. Idiot! Who's going to want to read a book like that? Nobody, that's who. I know people, writers, who tell me they went through the same thing and that eventually I will get better at it. I know they're right, I just wish it wasn't taking so long. That's another stupid thing, you have to be patient when you're a writer. If you are not prepared to wait..... and wait..... and wait, for your book to be published, then you won't get what you want out of it.
****
Ok, so I got pulled away last night in the middle of my rant and now I don't even remember the rest of what I was going to say. Great. Not surprising really. It was probably just more rambling anyway.
So, I was thinking this morning about the one book I have managed to finish and how I haven't done any rewriting on it in ages. There are many reasons for this, one being the idiocy previously mentioned, but mostly it's just that the story doesn't interest me as much as it used to. I was hoping that taking a break from it would help, but it hasn't. The novel I finished is in the M/T/S genre and everything else I've been working on lately is in Fantasy. I suppose that's just the writing mood I'm in these days. That happens a lot with me. I can go months writing nothing but one genre and then suddenly I'll want to go back to the other one. An idea will hit me or there will be some part of a story I have to fix because I just can't stop thinking about it.
I guess that explains why I have 11 stories total on my hard drive. That includes the finished, well first draft anyway, of my first book. There are 6 in the Fantasy genre, 4 in M/T/S, and 1 that I have no clue where it should be classified. It started out as a short story for a particular place and has blossomed into a 19 part story so far, where hardly anything happens, but it is filled with tons of people. I know it may not sound like it from that description but I love writing that story. I take too long to get new segments out sometimes but my loyal readers are always pleased, and that makes me very happy indeed. Crap, rambled on again, my point was that not all of these stories are even more then a few pages long. I get an idea, I write a few scenes that I'm thinking about, I make little notes here and there about things I want to happen, or a certain way I want a character to be. But on some of these stories I can't seem to move any further. So they sit there. I like the ideas too much to just throw then away. Weird considering what I said before, but true. Outside of the ideas though, it's mainly the characters I want for each story that keep me interested in them so much, even though I can't seem to write anything. I know most of my MCs pretty well, but there are some that I don't know anything about. Oddly, one of my MCs eludes my understanding in some of her thinking, but I write her story more than any other. It's weird how that sometimes happens I think. You should know the person you're writing about, right? I mean, at least most writers do. But then again, I don't follow the norm most of the time. :)
Oh, and just a little heads up, new pics will be posted shortly after this is.
Stupid? Yes.
Ridiculous? Absolutely.
Ludicrous? Ah, that's the one.
I mean, how am I ever supposed to be a good writer if I can't even edit my own work properly? A friend of mine knows about said idiocy and tells me what I need to do. Do you think I listen? Haha, nope. Even when I try to do what I'm told it doesn't work out for me. A few days ago I was editing my current SS and doing fairly well, at first. Then I started on the newest section that I have written and it went downhill from there. I had to stop myself, close the damn story, and even close Word so I wouldn't be tempted to do any more damamge to it. The thing is, the story is only five pages total so, it's not hard to edit right? Riiiight, sure it isn't.
It's hard for someone who can't stand to see how she writes because she knows for a fact that it's not good enough. My ideas are good, that I will brag about a little, but the way the stories are written is not. They are always filled with shit that doesn't need to be there. I swear when I finish this story and hand it to my friend, I'll get it back and more than half the words will be gone. Ramble much?
So what do I do? I try, really I do. It's just that when I'm writing a story I tend to like what's going on so much that I don't really pay attention to everything I'm writing. (Some of you out there will not understand that, but others will.) Then when I get to the editing process I look at my WIP and say WTF?!?!?!?! What were you thinking when you wrote that line? Or, various other things that aren't fit to print, warning on the blog or no. Hit the backspace key again... yep, it always comes back to that.
Another HUGE problem I have when I'm writing, not even to the editing yet, just the writing, is that I don't show enough of what's going on. I tell it. Idiot! Who's going to want to read a book like that? Nobody, that's who. I know people, writers, who tell me they went through the same thing and that eventually I will get better at it. I know they're right, I just wish it wasn't taking so long. That's another stupid thing, you have to be patient when you're a writer. If you are not prepared to wait..... and wait..... and wait, for your book to be published, then you won't get what you want out of it.
****
Ok, so I got pulled away last night in the middle of my rant and now I don't even remember the rest of what I was going to say. Great. Not surprising really. It was probably just more rambling anyway.
So, I was thinking this morning about the one book I have managed to finish and how I haven't done any rewriting on it in ages. There are many reasons for this, one being the idiocy previously mentioned, but mostly it's just that the story doesn't interest me as much as it used to. I was hoping that taking a break from it would help, but it hasn't. The novel I finished is in the M/T/S genre and everything else I've been working on lately is in Fantasy. I suppose that's just the writing mood I'm in these days. That happens a lot with me. I can go months writing nothing but one genre and then suddenly I'll want to go back to the other one. An idea will hit me or there will be some part of a story I have to fix because I just can't stop thinking about it.
I guess that explains why I have 11 stories total on my hard drive. That includes the finished, well first draft anyway, of my first book. There are 6 in the Fantasy genre, 4 in M/T/S, and 1 that I have no clue where it should be classified. It started out as a short story for a particular place and has blossomed into a 19 part story so far, where hardly anything happens, but it is filled with tons of people. I know it may not sound like it from that description but I love writing that story. I take too long to get new segments out sometimes but my loyal readers are always pleased, and that makes me very happy indeed. Crap, rambled on again, my point was that not all of these stories are even more then a few pages long. I get an idea, I write a few scenes that I'm thinking about, I make little notes here and there about things I want to happen, or a certain way I want a character to be. But on some of these stories I can't seem to move any further. So they sit there. I like the ideas too much to just throw then away. Weird considering what I said before, but true. Outside of the ideas though, it's mainly the characters I want for each story that keep me interested in them so much, even though I can't seem to write anything. I know most of my MCs pretty well, but there are some that I don't know anything about. Oddly, one of my MCs eludes my understanding in some of her thinking, but I write her story more than any other. It's weird how that sometimes happens I think. You should know the person you're writing about, right? I mean, at least most writers do. But then again, I don't follow the norm most of the time. :)
Oh, and just a little heads up, new pics will be posted shortly after this is.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Geez, what a slacker!
Has it really been since the 22nd that I did anything on here? Good gracious what am I thinking? No new pics, no new rambling nonsense from me. There's something wrong with this picture.....
......
Ok, that's better. I just added 12 new pics down at the bottom so that's done. I finally posted some that I thought I had already posted. Iggit moments are abounding this week it seems.
So, what have I been doing that's been keeping me away you ask? School, that's what. I started on Monday and I have to admit I love it. I've already received a grade on one of my assignments and it was FAR better than I thought it would be. 29/30 SWEET!! So anyway, I'm getting some help from friends too bcs I'm so nervous about the things I say in my papers sometimes. But my friends are excellent and willing to help me when I'm feeling stupid so I love 'em for it.
And while I'm sitting here writing this I am being distracted by some of my peeps showing me more fantasy art and I can't resist checking them out. They are too damn cool to pass up. I have restricted myself to some of the pics I have posted here, warning or not. There are sooooo many I have that I'd like to put up but I don't want someone to stop coming here bcs they are offended or embarrassed by the pics I put up. You'd think I wouldn't really care cause this is my blog, right? Well, I care what my followers think, they are my friends after all.
So, lemme know peeps. Would you be offended if you saw, not only half nekkid pics, but completely naked pics? Here's my deal. I love art in any form. But I particularly like fantasy pics and quite honestly the majority of those are women. I know there are some with men in them, a lot of those, but I think the pics I have are beautiful. Just let me know what you think. Cause if my lovelies really don't mind even sexier pics then I will start adding those as well.
Ok, so on to my writing. I have started this short story that is being edited at the moment.... *coughs and looks in the direction of her editor* .... but I am hoping to maybe post parts of it here, maybe all of it. I haven't decided yet. I think it's a good story and so far my editor, and a few others who have read it, think it's good too. It's in the Fantasy genre, of course, and it's about a witch who has been living in "our world" for many years, centuries. And her lover from her own world comes here to bring her back home. Now, I have written this in segments, three or four so far if memory serves, and the last one I ended with her walking through a portal into her old world at her old lover's side, willingly. If you haven't read this story there is a place you can do so. Here is the addy...
http://looneybin.forumotion.net - which is what I lovingly call Greeny's Cyber-baby
Check out her forum if you haven't done so already and sign up if you find it interesting. She is just getting started over there but I think her place is amazing. It's fun to go there and post, read others' posts, chat together in the chat box. It feels like a little family there and I love the fact that she set it up and wants it to expand. I swear that girl was born for stuff like this. So, check it out. And don't forget to read the other stories that are happening over there as well. There is another one by me and one that is AWESOME that is being written by our beloved Cali.
I believe I have bored the pants off of everyone reading this so it's time to say goodbye for now. I promise I won't be so long in between posts next time.
......
Ok, that's better. I just added 12 new pics down at the bottom so that's done. I finally posted some that I thought I had already posted. Iggit moments are abounding this week it seems.
So, what have I been doing that's been keeping me away you ask? School, that's what. I started on Monday and I have to admit I love it. I've already received a grade on one of my assignments and it was FAR better than I thought it would be. 29/30 SWEET!! So anyway, I'm getting some help from friends too bcs I'm so nervous about the things I say in my papers sometimes. But my friends are excellent and willing to help me when I'm feeling stupid so I love 'em for it.
And while I'm sitting here writing this I am being distracted by some of my peeps showing me more fantasy art and I can't resist checking them out. They are too damn cool to pass up. I have restricted myself to some of the pics I have posted here, warning or not. There are sooooo many I have that I'd like to put up but I don't want someone to stop coming here bcs they are offended or embarrassed by the pics I put up. You'd think I wouldn't really care cause this is my blog, right? Well, I care what my followers think, they are my friends after all.
So, lemme know peeps. Would you be offended if you saw, not only half nekkid pics, but completely naked pics? Here's my deal. I love art in any form. But I particularly like fantasy pics and quite honestly the majority of those are women. I know there are some with men in them, a lot of those, but I think the pics I have are beautiful. Just let me know what you think. Cause if my lovelies really don't mind even sexier pics then I will start adding those as well.
Ok, so on to my writing. I have started this short story that is being edited at the moment.... *coughs and looks in the direction of her editor* .... but I am hoping to maybe post parts of it here, maybe all of it. I haven't decided yet. I think it's a good story and so far my editor, and a few others who have read it, think it's good too. It's in the Fantasy genre, of course, and it's about a witch who has been living in "our world" for many years, centuries. And her lover from her own world comes here to bring her back home. Now, I have written this in segments, three or four so far if memory serves, and the last one I ended with her walking through a portal into her old world at her old lover's side, willingly. If you haven't read this story there is a place you can do so. Here is the addy...
http://looneybin.forumotion.net - which is what I lovingly call Greeny's Cyber-baby
Check out her forum if you haven't done so already and sign up if you find it interesting. She is just getting started over there but I think her place is amazing. It's fun to go there and post, read others' posts, chat together in the chat box. It feels like a little family there and I love the fact that she set it up and wants it to expand. I swear that girl was born for stuff like this. So, check it out. And don't forget to read the other stories that are happening over there as well. There is another one by me and one that is AWESOME that is being written by our beloved Cali.
I believe I have bored the pants off of everyone reading this so it's time to say goodbye for now. I promise I won't be so long in between posts next time.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Moving
So, it's Sunday. And Sunday means that Tony is coming to get his things. I think I mentioned something of this in my previous post but oh well. It's my blog and I'll do what I want. 
I've almost finished with this things in our room but I still haven't made it to the basement. I figured he can do that on his own though. Cause when I go to his dad's house to get my stuff I know damn well that he isn't going to have even one thing of mine seperated from his. I guarantee that everything will be sitting there exactly the way it was the last time I was there. Honestly it's mostly my stuff that's down there. I have about 10 boxes that are packed full of elephant knickknacks and pictures and other junk, all ele related though.
I'm a sucker for anything elephant.
Which actually reminds me that I have pics of my ele tats on my comp finally. Maybe I should post them here. I know a few people who'd like to see them so maybe I will. The problem is that they were taken with a cell phone and they are pretty dark. I tried to photoshop them but they didn't look right. I should try again and see if I can't fix them though cause I love my tats and I can't resist putting up pics of an elephant anywhere, at any time.
I also have this awesome puzzle that is in the shape of an elephant, the picture on it is so detailed, and it took me longer than usual to put it together. But it was well worth it. It's a damn cool puzzle and I want my peeps to see it.
Ah, I've completely gone off the point haven't I? Oh well, those who know me wouldn't be surprised that I ended up rambling on and on.
More packing to do so I'm out for now. May come back later to add more words or more pics.....More pics is almost a given though, I can't resist sharing what I find and what some of my friends have been kind enough to show me too.
Because I like smileys and I'm procrastinating finishing this lemme add some that I found this morning. I can't for the life of me figure out how in the world I, of all people, missed these before but I think they're great.
They crack me up, there's more that do that too, and even more so but I think I'll just refrain from posting them.....at least for now. 
P.S. I hate the way the smileys show up on here and I'm thinking about taking them out. Those boxes irritate me to no end.
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I've almost finished with this things in our room but I still haven't made it to the basement. I figured he can do that on his own though. Cause when I go to his dad's house to get my stuff I know damn well that he isn't going to have even one thing of mine seperated from his. I guarantee that everything will be sitting there exactly the way it was the last time I was there. Honestly it's mostly my stuff that's down there. I have about 10 boxes that are packed full of elephant knickknacks and pictures and other junk, all ele related though.
I'm a sucker for anything elephant.Which actually reminds me that I have pics of my ele tats on my comp finally. Maybe I should post them here. I know a few people who'd like to see them so maybe I will. The problem is that they were taken with a cell phone and they are pretty dark. I tried to photoshop them but they didn't look right. I should try again and see if I can't fix them though cause I love my tats and I can't resist putting up pics of an elephant anywhere, at any time.
I also have this awesome puzzle that is in the shape of an elephant, the picture on it is so detailed, and it took me longer than usual to put it together. But it was well worth it. It's a damn cool puzzle and I want my peeps to see it.
Ah, I've completely gone off the point haven't I? Oh well, those who know me wouldn't be surprised that I ended up rambling on and on.
More packing to do so I'm out for now. May come back later to add more words or more pics.....More pics is almost a given though, I can't resist sharing what I find and what some of my friends have been kind enough to show me too.
Because I like smileys and I'm procrastinating finishing this lemme add some that I found this morning. I can't for the life of me figure out how in the world I, of all people, missed these before but I think they're great.
They crack me up, there's more that do that too, and even more so but I think I'll just refrain from posting them.....at least for now. P.S. I hate the way the smileys show up on here and I'm thinking about taking them out. Those boxes irritate me to no end.
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Saturday, February 21, 2009
Charmed Episode Favorites
Ok, so I was talking to a friend of mine today and I mentioned that soon I'll probably start rambling on about some of my favorite shows in my blog and now I'm sitting around here bored once again. It's a little after 8 on a Saturday night and since I don't have any friends that live in the same state with me I don't have anything to do.
Well, that's not completely true. I could be packing my ex's things for him, he's coming to get them tomorrow, but why should I have to do it all on my own? It's his crap isn't it? Or is it my responsibility cause he was staying here but he's not anymore? Whatever, I don't really care. If he has a problem come tomorrow I'll just point out the things I did do today, which was quite a bit, and tell him to go to hell about the rest of it.
So anyway, enough of that. Today's topic is, and this should come as no surprise to some of you, Charmed.
I LOVE THAT DAMN SHOW!!!!! I don't care that it hasn't been on for a few years. It was on for 8 marvelous seasons and that is SWEEEEET! I actually have the first 7 seasons on DVD, funds have been too low for too long so I haven't had the chance to get season 8 yet.
This is going to be boring to those of you who don't like the show or aren't familiar with it. But I've decided for this (and probably later when I do Smallville's post) I'll be listing my fav episodes and characters season by season. And of course I'll be adding pics to the posts. Since I like every episode (and yes I do mean every single one), then I'll just be listing those I like more than the others. If not, I'll just be listing each episode from each season.
I may come back at some point and edit these posts cause I'll forget something I want to say but for now....
Ep. 1 - Something Wicca This Way Comes-cause it's the first episode duh!
Ep. 3 - Dead Man Dating-cause poor Piper finally falls for a decent guy but unfortunately for her, he's a ghost
Ep. 8 - The Truth Is Out There And It Hurts-Prue tells Andy her secret
Ep. 10 - The Witch Is Back-cause they bring back their ancestor, Melinda Warren, who originally passed down her powers
Ep. 12 - Wicca Envy-the girls lose their powers for a short time, those are always good episodes, a secret is revealed about Leo
Ep. 13 - The Wendigo-cause Piper cracks me up during her transformation with her mood swings
Ep. 14 - From Fear To Eternity-first episode with Barbas, one of my fav characters
Ep. 17 - That 70's Episode - cause it's a time travel ep and I love those but also cause Grams is funnier than shit when finally talks to the girls for the first time
Ep. 21 - Love Hurts-cause Piper finds out about Leo and saves his life
Season 2
Ep. 2 - Morality Bites-time travel, Phoebe is on death row to be burnt at the stake
Ep. 8 - P3 H2O-the girls find out how their mother died and vanquish the demon responsible
Ep. 9 - Ms. Hellfire-Barbas is back! Plus Antonio Sabbato Jr. guest stars for the first of two episodes...sooooo hot!
Ep. 10 - Heartbreak City-Prue gets a new power and Phoebe meets Cupid, the scene where he's naming all the guys she's dated makes me laugh so hard cause of her reaction
Ep. 12 - Awakened-Piper dies and Leo brings her back, he loses his powers as his punishment and tells Piper he's not giving up on their love.....
Ep. 14 - Pardon My Past-Phoebe's life is at stake due to a past life, solo time travel involved
Ep. 15 - Give Me A Sign-A.S.Jr. is back again! and Piper decides at the end who she wants to be with
Ep. 16 - Murphy's Luck-all around good episode, Piper tells Leo she loves him, Leo gets his powers back at the end but Piper sticks by her decision
Ep. 20 - Astral Monkey-a doctor is infected with the girls' powers and it drives him nuts
Ep. 22 - Be Careful What You Witch For-cause the Genie's funny and Phoebe cracks me up when she's flying around....that and they use the "The power of three will set us free" spell at the end, which they haven't done since the pilot episode
Season 3
Ep. 1 - The Honeymoon's Over-cause Cole Turner/Belthazor (Juilan McMahon) starts the show and bcs Leo proposes to Piper
Ep. 4 - All Halliwell's Eve-time travel to the past after Belthazor tries to wipe out the family line, the girls help deliver Melinda Warren
Ep. 6 - Primrose Empath-cause "new power" episodes are always cool as hell and things move along with Phoebe and Cole
Ep. 8 - Sleuthing With The Enemy-Phoebe finds out Cole's secret but still does not vanquish him
Ep. 11 - Blinded By The Whitelighter-I just love this whole episode, can't narrow it down to a few things
Ep. 13 - Bride and Gloom-Prue gets tricked into marrying a warlock and it turns the girls evil, always good fun to watch
Ep. 14 - The Good, The Bad And The Cursed-same as w/ Ep. 11
Ep. 15 - Just Harried-cause it's Piper's wedding episode and of course someone ruins it for a little while, they do get married though (3rd time is the charm)
Ep. 17 - Pre-Witched-flashback episode that I love
Ep. 19 & 20 - cause all the stuff w/ Cole and Piper receiving her new power
Ep. 22 - All Hell Breaks Loose-really good episode
Season 4
Ep. 1/Parts 1 & 2 - Charmed Again-cause it's Rose McGowan's first episode as Paige
Ep. 2 - Hell Hath No Fury-transformation eps always kick ass, plus you get to see just how much Piper is affected by Prue's death
Ep. 6 - Brain Drain-any episode w/ The Source is good for me, but I like this one cause he gets into Piper's head
Ep. 12 - Charmed And Dangerous-the girls fight and defeat The Source, but there's a price to be paid at a later date (TS is reborn into Cole, filling his empty demonic half)
Ep. 18 - We're Off To See The Wizard-Phoebe learns Cole is The Source and willingly goes with him
Ep. 19 - Long Live The Queen-I enjoy Phoebe's "evilness" but I also love the way they handled Cole's/The Source's death. I will admit to hating the final scene cause it makes my bawl my eyes out every time
Ep. 21 - Witch Way Now-the girls are given a chance to give up their powers but I really love the ending when the girls find out Piper is pregnant
Season 5
Ep. 1/Parts 1 & 2 - A Witch's Tail-too many reasons to like them, mainly the 2nd part when Piper casts her Fearless Spell
Ep. 3 - Siren Song-love the power switch between Leo and Piper
Ep. 6 - Sympathy For The Demon-Barbas again!
Ep. 8 - Sam I Am-Paige's biological father comes into her life for the first time, Cole is looking for a way to die and he wants the girls to kill him
Ep. 11 - Centennial Charmed-love how the story goes
Ep. 14 - The Day The Magic Died-Wyatt is born! That and there's this line that Phoebe says that makes me bust a gut...She's talking to a demon and he's complaining about not having his powers and she says, "Poor little evil creatures." but it's not just the words, it's the way she says it, it kills me every time.
Ep. 17 - Cat House-love this ep so much, everything about it
Ep. 21/Parts 1 & 2 - Oh My Goddess!-killer season finale and the first appearance of Chris Perry (Dru Fuller), Piper and Leo's second son (btw, Perry is his middle name bcs since he comes from the future he can't reveal who he really is to them all). Very sad ending when Leo becomes an elder and leaves Piper, again with the crying....
*Just as a side note I love so many more eps in this season but already this is overly long and I still have 3 seasons to go through.
Season 6
Ep. 1/Parts 1 & 2 - Valhalley Of The Dolls-great season premiere, love Phoebe's new power and Piper's memory problems
Ep. 2 - Forget Me...Not-I adore this ep, Wyatt is so AWESOME!
Ep. 9 - Chris Crossed-Bianca is cool as hell, evil Wyatt even better, and I never get enough of learning that the Halliwell's are a family of demon loving fools
Ep. 15 - The Courtship Of Wyatt's Father-Piper and Leo get together for one night but it's always good to see them together, even if it doesn't last long
Ep. 18 - Crimes And Witch Demeanors-flashback episodes rock, Barbas is back!
Ep. 20 - Witch Wars-cause Phoebe kicks some ass at the end and I lurv it
Ep. 21/Parts 1 & 2 - It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World-killer eps, love the twin theme and I can't get enough of Leo taking his revenge on the man who killed Chris and tried to kill Wyatt
Season 7
Ep. 1 - A Call To Arms-another transformation episode but this one's part funny, again Barbas is back, but for the final time
Ep. 3 - Cheaper By The Coven-love this ep, once again Wyatt is awesome in it!
Ep. 5 - Styx Feet Under-haha, Piper gets turned into an Angel of Death, great ep
Ep. 8 - Charmed Noir-love the black and white
Ep. 10 - Witchness Protection-Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia on Buffy & Angel) plays The Seer and Oded Fehere makes his Charmed debut as Zankou, love his character
Eps. 12 & 13 - love the makeover of the world then the decision to change it back after Leo sacrifices himself
Ep. 14 - Carpe Demon-just cause it's Billy Zane's first of 3 eps
Ep. 15 - Show Ghouls-soul swapping episodes are killer
Ep. 16 - The Seven Year Witch-Billy Zane's final ep, Julian McMahon's final return, and Piper and Leo finally get together for good
Ep. 20 - Imaginary Fiends-my favorite part is when they get attacked in the attic and the older Wyatt just kicks ASS with his powers...*sighs* he's so damn cool!
Ep. 21 - Death Becomes Them-cause it ties into the season finale
Ep. 22 - Something Wicca This Way Goes-one of the best eps they made, love the Astral Projection, adore the ending too, esp Morris' reaction to the girls walking away
Season 8
Ok, so I've only seen a few episodes out of the last season and I've liked them all. Like when Piper finds out her new identity is that of a woman on the run, anything with Billy, anything with Coop, and ESPECIALLY the two part series finale. OMG! Amazing eps. They did an awesome job of ending that show the right way.
*sighs* It really is a shame the show had to end but it is, and always will be, one of my top five favorite TV shows. And sadly enough, I'm still not done talking about them. Though I think I'll leave it here for now and pick up on this in another post some day. This one's prolley gonna take up half my page now.
I can't believe you're still reading this, but since you are here's some pics...
I had to add the title sequence cause I love it.
I love all the ladies on this show but if I had to choose one it would be Piper (Holly Marie Combs). Can't explain why, just love her.
Well, that's not completely true. I could be packing my ex's things for him, he's coming to get them tomorrow, but why should I have to do it all on my own? It's his crap isn't it? Or is it my responsibility cause he was staying here but he's not anymore? Whatever, I don't really care. If he has a problem come tomorrow I'll just point out the things I did do today, which was quite a bit, and tell him to go to hell about the rest of it.
So anyway, enough of that. Today's topic is, and this should come as no surprise to some of you, Charmed.
I LOVE THAT DAMN SHOW!!!!! I don't care that it hasn't been on for a few years. It was on for 8 marvelous seasons and that is SWEEEEET! I actually have the first 7 seasons on DVD, funds have been too low for too long so I haven't had the chance to get season 8 yet.
This is going to be boring to those of you who don't like the show or aren't familiar with it. But I've decided for this (and probably later when I do Smallville's post) I'll be listing my fav episodes and characters season by season. And of course I'll be adding pics to the posts. Since I like every episode (and yes I do mean every single one), then I'll just be listing those I like more than the others. If not, I'll just be listing each episode from each season.
I may come back at some point and edit these posts cause I'll forget something I want to say but for now....
Charmed
Season 1Ep. 1 - Something Wicca This Way Comes-cause it's the first episode duh!
Ep. 3 - Dead Man Dating-cause poor Piper finally falls for a decent guy but unfortunately for her, he's a ghost
Ep. 8 - The Truth Is Out There And It Hurts-Prue tells Andy her secret
Ep. 10 - The Witch Is Back-cause they bring back their ancestor, Melinda Warren, who originally passed down her powers
Ep. 12 - Wicca Envy-the girls lose their powers for a short time, those are always good episodes, a secret is revealed about Leo
Ep. 13 - The Wendigo-cause Piper cracks me up during her transformation with her mood swings
Ep. 14 - From Fear To Eternity-first episode with Barbas, one of my fav characters
Ep. 17 - That 70's Episode - cause it's a time travel ep and I love those but also cause Grams is funnier than shit when finally talks to the girls for the first time
Ep. 21 - Love Hurts-cause Piper finds out about Leo and saves his life
Season 2
Ep. 2 - Morality Bites-time travel, Phoebe is on death row to be burnt at the stake
Ep. 8 - P3 H2O-the girls find out how their mother died and vanquish the demon responsible
Ep. 9 - Ms. Hellfire-Barbas is back! Plus Antonio Sabbato Jr. guest stars for the first of two episodes...sooooo hot!
Ep. 10 - Heartbreak City-Prue gets a new power and Phoebe meets Cupid, the scene where he's naming all the guys she's dated makes me laugh so hard cause of her reaction
Ep. 12 - Awakened-Piper dies and Leo brings her back, he loses his powers as his punishment and tells Piper he's not giving up on their love.....
Ep. 14 - Pardon My Past-Phoebe's life is at stake due to a past life, solo time travel involved
Ep. 15 - Give Me A Sign-A.S.Jr. is back again! and Piper decides at the end who she wants to be with
Ep. 16 - Murphy's Luck-all around good episode, Piper tells Leo she loves him, Leo gets his powers back at the end but Piper sticks by her decision
Ep. 20 - Astral Monkey-a doctor is infected with the girls' powers and it drives him nuts
Ep. 22 - Be Careful What You Witch For-cause the Genie's funny and Phoebe cracks me up when she's flying around....that and they use the "The power of three will set us free" spell at the end, which they haven't done since the pilot episode
Season 3
Ep. 1 - The Honeymoon's Over-cause Cole Turner/Belthazor (Juilan McMahon) starts the show and bcs Leo proposes to Piper
Ep. 4 - All Halliwell's Eve-time travel to the past after Belthazor tries to wipe out the family line, the girls help deliver Melinda Warren
Ep. 6 - Primrose Empath-cause "new power" episodes are always cool as hell and things move along with Phoebe and Cole
Ep. 8 - Sleuthing With The Enemy-Phoebe finds out Cole's secret but still does not vanquish him
Ep. 11 - Blinded By The Whitelighter-I just love this whole episode, can't narrow it down to a few things
Ep. 13 - Bride and Gloom-Prue gets tricked into marrying a warlock and it turns the girls evil, always good fun to watch
Ep. 14 - The Good, The Bad And The Cursed-same as w/ Ep. 11
Ep. 15 - Just Harried-cause it's Piper's wedding episode and of course someone ruins it for a little while, they do get married though (3rd time is the charm)
Ep. 17 - Pre-Witched-flashback episode that I love
Ep. 19 & 20 - cause all the stuff w/ Cole and Piper receiving her new power
Ep. 22 - All Hell Breaks Loose-really good episode
Season 4
Ep. 1/Parts 1 & 2 - Charmed Again-cause it's Rose McGowan's first episode as Paige
Ep. 2 - Hell Hath No Fury-transformation eps always kick ass, plus you get to see just how much Piper is affected by Prue's death
Ep. 6 - Brain Drain-any episode w/ The Source is good for me, but I like this one cause he gets into Piper's head
Ep. 12 - Charmed And Dangerous-the girls fight and defeat The Source, but there's a price to be paid at a later date (TS is reborn into Cole, filling his empty demonic half)
Ep. 18 - We're Off To See The Wizard-Phoebe learns Cole is The Source and willingly goes with him
Ep. 19 - Long Live The Queen-I enjoy Phoebe's "evilness" but I also love the way they handled Cole's/The Source's death. I will admit to hating the final scene cause it makes my bawl my eyes out every time
Ep. 21 - Witch Way Now-the girls are given a chance to give up their powers but I really love the ending when the girls find out Piper is pregnant
Season 5
Ep. 1/Parts 1 & 2 - A Witch's Tail-too many reasons to like them, mainly the 2nd part when Piper casts her Fearless Spell
Ep. 3 - Siren Song-love the power switch between Leo and Piper
Ep. 6 - Sympathy For The Demon-Barbas again!
Ep. 8 - Sam I Am-Paige's biological father comes into her life for the first time, Cole is looking for a way to die and he wants the girls to kill him
Ep. 11 - Centennial Charmed-love how the story goes
Ep. 14 - The Day The Magic Died-Wyatt is born! That and there's this line that Phoebe says that makes me bust a gut...She's talking to a demon and he's complaining about not having his powers and she says, "Poor little evil creatures." but it's not just the words, it's the way she says it, it kills me every time.
Ep. 17 - Cat House-love this ep so much, everything about it
Ep. 21/Parts 1 & 2 - Oh My Goddess!-killer season finale and the first appearance of Chris Perry (Dru Fuller), Piper and Leo's second son (btw, Perry is his middle name bcs since he comes from the future he can't reveal who he really is to them all). Very sad ending when Leo becomes an elder and leaves Piper, again with the crying....
*Just as a side note I love so many more eps in this season but already this is overly long and I still have 3 seasons to go through.
Season 6
Ep. 1/Parts 1 & 2 - Valhalley Of The Dolls-great season premiere, love Phoebe's new power and Piper's memory problems
Ep. 2 - Forget Me...Not-I adore this ep, Wyatt is so AWESOME!
Ep. 9 - Chris Crossed-Bianca is cool as hell, evil Wyatt even better, and I never get enough of learning that the Halliwell's are a family of demon loving fools
Ep. 15 - The Courtship Of Wyatt's Father-Piper and Leo get together for one night but it's always good to see them together, even if it doesn't last long
Ep. 18 - Crimes And Witch Demeanors-flashback episodes rock, Barbas is back!
Ep. 20 - Witch Wars-cause Phoebe kicks some ass at the end and I lurv it
Ep. 21/Parts 1 & 2 - It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World-killer eps, love the twin theme and I can't get enough of Leo taking his revenge on the man who killed Chris and tried to kill Wyatt
Season 7
Ep. 1 - A Call To Arms-another transformation episode but this one's part funny, again Barbas is back, but for the final time
Ep. 3 - Cheaper By The Coven-love this ep, once again Wyatt is awesome in it!
Ep. 5 - Styx Feet Under-haha, Piper gets turned into an Angel of Death, great ep
Ep. 8 - Charmed Noir-love the black and white
Ep. 10 - Witchness Protection-Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia on Buffy & Angel) plays The Seer and Oded Fehere makes his Charmed debut as Zankou, love his character
Eps. 12 & 13 - love the makeover of the world then the decision to change it back after Leo sacrifices himself
Ep. 14 - Carpe Demon-just cause it's Billy Zane's first of 3 eps
Ep. 15 - Show Ghouls-soul swapping episodes are killer
Ep. 16 - The Seven Year Witch-Billy Zane's final ep, Julian McMahon's final return, and Piper and Leo finally get together for good
Ep. 20 - Imaginary Fiends-my favorite part is when they get attacked in the attic and the older Wyatt just kicks ASS with his powers...*sighs* he's so damn cool!
Ep. 21 - Death Becomes Them-cause it ties into the season finale
Ep. 22 - Something Wicca This Way Goes-one of the best eps they made, love the Astral Projection, adore the ending too, esp Morris' reaction to the girls walking away
Season 8
Ok, so I've only seen a few episodes out of the last season and I've liked them all. Like when Piper finds out her new identity is that of a woman on the run, anything with Billy, anything with Coop, and ESPECIALLY the two part series finale. OMG! Amazing eps. They did an awesome job of ending that show the right way.
*sighs* It really is a shame the show had to end but it is, and always will be, one of my top five favorite TV shows. And sadly enough, I'm still not done talking about them. Though I think I'll leave it here for now and pick up on this in another post some day. This one's prolley gonna take up half my page now.
I can't believe you're still reading this, but since you are here's some pics...
I had to add the title sequence cause I love it.
I love all the ladies on this show but if I had to choose one it would be Piper (Holly Marie Combs). Can't explain why, just love her.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
New Pics and other nonsense
K, I just added some new pics, 4 I think. And I added a link to the website where I found the pics bcs they have so many different artists and if I would have taken some from all of them I'd have been at this all night. So I picked a few that I liked a lot and put em on here. There's more at my Photobucket account, which there is a link to over on your right. :)
So, my husband and I seperated. Well, not legally, but he did leave and it is permanent. I will be filing for divorce. I feel a little better now. I've been in a better mood. And last night I finally got some sleep for the first time in too many days. I have a few amazing friends that are helping me out right now and that only makes things better.
There are other things too but I don't want to ramble on forever tonight, maybe some other time.
I love this pic so I'm gonna add it in here.
So, my husband and I seperated. Well, not legally, but he did leave and it is permanent. I will be filing for divorce. I feel a little better now. I've been in a better mood. And last night I finally got some sleep for the first time in too many days. I have a few amazing friends that are helping me out right now and that only makes things better.
There are other things too but I don't want to ramble on forever tonight, maybe some other time.
I love this pic so I'm gonna add it in here.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Busy, busy
It's been a pretty busy week for me. I've been helping my cousin out with her baby during the day and since I don't get home until around 6 or a little after I have no time to post here. Well, really that's cause I'm at AW talking to some of my friends for as long as I can since I don't get to much during the day. I'm addicted to that place and I know it. :)
All right, I will be back at some point and I'll also be adding more pics cause I love those damn things. I'm watching my nephews this weekend but I may still get the chance to post here. And since there are some things that I finally can say, I will be saying them. :D
All right, I will be back at some point and I'll also be adding more pics cause I love those damn things. I'm watching my nephews this weekend but I may still get the chance to post here. And since there are some things that I finally can say, I will be saying them. :D
Monday, February 16, 2009
See how she glitters and stuff? I love it, but for some reason when I put this pic up, along with some others, they do nothing so I'm adding them here so you can see just how cool they are. Oh and I won't be around much the next couple of days. I'm helping my cousin out with her baby. She's just had surgery and is trying to recover so I'll be at her house (it's where I am right now actually) until later tonight, then back here again in the morning. It should only be a couple of days. But I'll check in with my friends as often as possible. I can't stay away from you guys for too long. :DAnd OY! *throws her hands up in exasperation* AW is down again, this time for revamping me thinks. Hopefully it won't be too long
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Had a really bad day yesterday
What a crappy day yesterday was. I'll be back later to wax poetic on it some more.
******
Ok, I'm back now. So yesterday was V-Day, big deal right? No, not around here it wasn't. Oh well, I'll get over it. It's not like I expected anything else......
The main problem with yesterday was that I was fighting with a friend of mine whom I truly DID NOT want to be fighting with. Said friend had pointed something out to me, which was the absolute truth btw, and I didn't like hearing it. Who does though? Esp when the truth hurts. So, we went back and forth for a little while, stinging each other, telling each other things that we shouldn't have been. Finally, and at the same time, we apologized to each other.
But it didn't help, not really. Mad I may have been, utterly upset and a bit distraught would be more likely words I would use, but it doesn't mean that what started the fight in the first place was any less true at the end of the day. It was. And although I have vowed to change my wicked ways I doubt it will last for long.
There are certain things about me that I just can't seem to change at all. I try and try and nothing works. Jeez Sneaks, cryptic much. I want to say more about the whole thing but I can't without revealing certain sensitive information. Maybe some day down the road it will become clearer to others but I doubt it. :D And unfortunately my mood is really no better today. I'm still feeling a bit down and a lot irritated.
******
Enough of that. Moving on to other things.....
I haven't done much today to be honest. I've just putting around the internet, working on my photobucket albums, and doing things around the house here and there. I haven't done any writing yet today, except for here obviously, and that's not a good thing. I never go a day without writing. I at least force myself to pump out a few hundred words a day at the very least. Whether or not they survive the editing process is another story. Most of them don't. But that's the beauty of writing, you can always fix it, make it better than it was before.
I just wish my "editor" was around. She's not a paid editor, she just loves to do it, and I need her at the moment. I've started two new stories this week, both Fantasy. And while she's already critiqued one of them (see The Looney Bin link) she has yet to even see the other one. But that's my fault, I haven't sent it to her. Although I did post some of it at AW and got some good responses on it so..... I guess we'll see.
Ok, I think I've said enough for one day.
******
Ok, I'm back now. So yesterday was V-Day, big deal right? No, not around here it wasn't. Oh well, I'll get over it. It's not like I expected anything else......
The main problem with yesterday was that I was fighting with a friend of mine whom I truly DID NOT want to be fighting with. Said friend had pointed something out to me, which was the absolute truth btw, and I didn't like hearing it. Who does though? Esp when the truth hurts. So, we went back and forth for a little while, stinging each other, telling each other things that we shouldn't have been. Finally, and at the same time, we apologized to each other.
But it didn't help, not really. Mad I may have been, utterly upset and a bit distraught would be more likely words I would use, but it doesn't mean that what started the fight in the first place was any less true at the end of the day. It was. And although I have vowed to change my wicked ways I doubt it will last for long.
There are certain things about me that I just can't seem to change at all. I try and try and nothing works. Jeez Sneaks, cryptic much. I want to say more about the whole thing but I can't without revealing certain sensitive information. Maybe some day down the road it will become clearer to others but I doubt it. :D And unfortunately my mood is really no better today. I'm still feeling a bit down and a lot irritated.
******
Enough of that. Moving on to other things.....
I haven't done much today to be honest. I've just putting around the internet, working on my photobucket albums, and doing things around the house here and there. I haven't done any writing yet today, except for here obviously, and that's not a good thing. I never go a day without writing. I at least force myself to pump out a few hundred words a day at the very least. Whether or not they survive the editing process is another story. Most of them don't. But that's the beauty of writing, you can always fix it, make it better than it was before.
I just wish my "editor" was around. She's not a paid editor, she just loves to do it, and I need her at the moment. I've started two new stories this week, both Fantasy. And while she's already critiqued one of them (see The Looney Bin link) she has yet to even see the other one. But that's my fault, I haven't sent it to her. Although I did post some of it at AW and got some good responses on it so..... I guess we'll see.
Ok, I think I've said enough for one day.
Friday, February 13, 2009
My First Time
This is my first time doing this. I don't know if it's going to last long or how long I'll keep remembering to do it but I'll do my best. Yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. You'll probably be seeing a lot of that in here cause I do a lot of that. Ramble on and on about uninteresting things and barely is there ever a coherent thought in it.
I'm a writer trying to be published. It's hard work. My first book was finished in a few months with the first draft and it's been two years since then. Two years of rewrites and editing and more rewrites. I'm still not done. It's a work in progress and I will not stop until it's done as well as can be by me. I refuse to give up on this, it's my baby. I also have 7, yes I said 7, other WIPs. My first book is in the M/T/S genre, as well as another 3. My other 4, one of which I just started today, are in the Fantasy genre.
I like writing in the M/T/S genre a lot but I LOVE writing my fantasy novels. Witches are always my MCs, I have one story with a vampire in it, but the others have various different demons/evil entities/creatures/whateverthehellyouwannacallem.
I could write about witches for hours. I love doing the research for my fantasy novels versus my others. I could just write it all without doing any research, you know, make it however I want to, but I like to use mythology, demonolgy, all different avenues of information for my work. It's tremendous fun to read up on all those things. To check out the numerous websites devoted to that sort of thing. To browse the killer pics, even if I don't plan on using them, that people have created and put on the web. So cool!
So much going through my mind that I want to say but half of it I can't seem to find the words to use that will do them justice.
Oh! Yes! My opportunity to talk about the best place freakin' place on the web for an aspiring writer. Absolute Write (http://www.absolutewrite.com/) is the most amazing website. The best part about it, aside from all the help you get there (their information seems endless) is all the people that are there. They are all so helpful and don't sugarcoat critiques if you don't want them to. They tell you straight out what's wrong with your writing and try to help you fix it. They are the best! Of course not everyone gets along with everyone else, this is the real world after all, but anyone can make friends there. Trust me, I know. :) That place has helped me so much in my writing it would take days to describe it all. They have everyone ranging from new writers to writers who have been published once, and even more than that.
Ok, I think that's enough for today. I'll try and keep this up.
I'm a writer trying to be published. It's hard work. My first book was finished in a few months with the first draft and it's been two years since then. Two years of rewrites and editing and more rewrites. I'm still not done. It's a work in progress and I will not stop until it's done as well as can be by me. I refuse to give up on this, it's my baby. I also have 7, yes I said 7, other WIPs. My first book is in the M/T/S genre, as well as another 3. My other 4, one of which I just started today, are in the Fantasy genre.
I like writing in the M/T/S genre a lot but I LOVE writing my fantasy novels. Witches are always my MCs, I have one story with a vampire in it, but the others have various different demons/evil entities/creatures/whateverthehellyouwannacallem.
I could write about witches for hours. I love doing the research for my fantasy novels versus my others. I could just write it all without doing any research, you know, make it however I want to, but I like to use mythology, demonolgy, all different avenues of information for my work. It's tremendous fun to read up on all those things. To check out the numerous websites devoted to that sort of thing. To browse the killer pics, even if I don't plan on using them, that people have created and put on the web. So cool!
So much going through my mind that I want to say but half of it I can't seem to find the words to use that will do them justice.
Oh! Yes! My opportunity to talk about the best place freakin' place on the web for an aspiring writer. Absolute Write (http://www.absolutewrite.com/) is the most amazing website. The best part about it, aside from all the help you get there (their information seems endless) is all the people that are there. They are all so helpful and don't sugarcoat critiques if you don't want them to. They tell you straight out what's wrong with your writing and try to help you fix it. They are the best! Of course not everyone gets along with everyone else, this is the real world after all, but anyone can make friends there. Trust me, I know. :) That place has helped me so much in my writing it would take days to describe it all. They have everyone ranging from new writers to writers who have been published once, and even more than that.
Ok, I think that's enough for today. I'll try and keep this up.
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Cell Wall
This is my fav pic in the world!
Sparkling Green Fantasy
Gold Fantasy
Time
Nature
Fantasy Art
Lovers
Waterfall Beauty
Free a Butterfly
Moonlight Goddess
Star Pegasus
Zodiac
Ocean Beauty
Dragon War
Fear
Ascending
Butterfly Witch
Blood Tears
Waiting
Cloud Fantasy
Planet Beauty
Seductive
The Last Fairy
Butterfly Beauty
Waves Fantasy
Bat Woman
Provocative Butterfly
Elf Fairy
Good vs. Evil
Purple Fantasy
Flying Fantasy
The Charming Girl
The Obstinate Girl
Woman Posessed
Swamp Witch
Dragon Queen
The Witching Hour
Red Fairy
Provocative Angel
Sad and Lonely
Sword Fighter
In The Grass
Elf Beauty
Sexy Fantasy
Purple Vampire
Wiccan Light
Angel Profile
Sexy Butterfly
Flaming Dragon
This is one of my favorites so far
The Light
Snake Charmer
Sparkling Fairy
Dragon Witch
Fantasy View
Purple Pegasus
Tigress
Beauty in White
Rose Angel
Hey, how did he get here? ;)
Well, might as well let him stick around.
Sensual Butterfly
Killa Fairy
Purple Fantasy
Magical Beauty
Beautiful Woman
