The "What if..." Factor

What if...
We've all said it multiple times in our lives for various situations and scenarios. Jobs, living arrangements, relationships, friendships, etc. ad nauseam. It occurs to me that these two harmless words, when put together to form the beginning of a question, can cause some of the most troublesome, and more likely than not tiresome, thoughts in a person's mind. Some see it as looking forward to what could possibly be, while others dread the possibilities to come and find these two words absolutely terrifying. Trouble is nobody knows what's going to happen down the road and the words "what if" really are harmless...of course this depends on the situation you're considering at the moment. Situation and circumstance are everything. And I will say that your personal views or feelings do play a large part as well. Not that this is necessarily the best thing. As every human knows, our feelings cloud our judgement and don't always let us see a situation for what it is. Whether it be our view of a particular job we want or some possession we are craving to get our hands on at that particular moment, bottom line is if we want it we are more than likely going to think we WILL get it.

In these cases the whole "what if" factor can be extremely exciting...because nine times out of ten the "what if" scenario is a good one, not something that causes us pain or one where we see ourselves anywhere but at the top, doing exactly what we want to do and getting exactly what we want out of it. Most people know that life rarely happens the way we want or envision it. And sometimes we get to a point that we no longer have such an optimistic view of the situation we are in and the "what if" factor turns sour very quickly. If you're anything like me the worst case scenario(s) always seem to crop up easiest and fastest. Always assume the worst right? That way when you don't get what you want, what you worked hard for, you are much less disappointed. Some people would take a far less dramatic view about the whole thing but I find that works best for me, I've tried it others way with less satisfying results...I know what works for me.

But as I've been told by many a wiser men and women than myself, taking this view on life, regardless of the situation, only leads to complications and a great deal more stress for you than is necessary. All very true, but still difficult to adopt a new philosophy after all this time. I have my moments like everybody else where the fuck-its set in and I could care less what happens. If I can't do anything more to control the situation or change it to work out the way I want, then why stress myself out even more by thinking about "what if" all the time? (Shame I can't feel like this all the time but I'm not wired that way.) There's people I know that go through life doing exactly what they want and pretty much getting whatever they want in some aspects without regard for the consequences for themselves or for others. There's times I wish I could live like this....i think most people secretly wish the same..... But the majority of us understand that living this way may be fun and exciting and fulfilling, but when one lives in this manner they are stepping on other people's toes, sometimes hurting people they claim to care about, in many ways knowingly hurting themselves and yet doing nothing to change it, and sadly enough sometimes even setting bad examples for the children in their lives. Quite frankly this irritates me more than anything else. If you know me you know that after 32 years of life I'm relieved I have no kids. I have various reasons for this, the top three being: 1) financially i'm in no position to be responsible for another person, 2) in every other manner of life i have enough difficulty taking care of myself sometimes and don't want the responsibility of another person that is completely dependent on me, and 3) plain and simple, I enjoy my freedom very much. (Don't get me wrong, if I was in a situation where it was a choice between being pregnant and choosing to have the baby and do what I needed to do, or make some other choice....well, to me there is no option B. I would never willingly harm a child I carried in any way nor give that child to another person when it was born. That's just not me. And you can be damn sure I'd be a good mom and do absolutely everything I needed to do........ That's because of MY mom and the type of woman she is, the way she raised my brother and myself, and the type of woman she taught me to be.) But as I was saying, if you do know my views on this matter you also know that I adore every single one of the kids I have in my life. My three nephews given to me by my brother and sister-in-law, all of my many cousin's kids, and all of my friend's kids that may not be nieces and nephews by blood but are still a part of my family. I don't know what I would do without even one of them. So when I see someone that, even having good role models themselves that taught them not to lie and cheat to get the things you want in life, live their life without regard to anyone else, and they have a child or children, it occurs to me that they are even more selfish than I ever thought a person could be. I don't understand the logic or reasoning behind showing this little person you helped to create and are helping to shape that it's OK to go through life without considering the feelings, ideas, opinions, etc. of other human beings.

I don't really see a problem with going after the things you want in life, it's part of human nature, of course you're going to do that. But when you do it and others feel the fallout, when others have to pick up the pieces you've left behind in your life, when others have to suffer with the consequences of your actions while you walk around acting like your life is perfect the way it is, particularly when your child sees this behavior and also has to deal with the consequences, that goes beyond selfish......I just don't understand this type of mindset. Why even bother being in that child's life? I'd be the first one to say that missing one parent in your life is not always easy, but if the missing parent is not acting in a manner that teaches a child good values and morals, then that child is better off without them. Anyway, my whole point in this ramble was that this type of person's "what if" is nonexistent.......from what I can tell anyway. I'll admit I could be wrong about that. It could be their "what if" is just different from what others would consider. Add to that that said person is not considering the consequences for themselves or anyone else and I honestly can't fathom what their "what if" would be. So again I say, I could be wrong about that. But I will also add that from watching various people throughout my life live in this manner, I see no "what if" factor in their decision-making process. Bottom line is, they do what they want, when they want to do it, and how they want to do it. Sheepishly I have to admit I can see a certain amount of freedom in living this way, I can see why somebody would choose to live their life exactly the way they want and not have a care in the world for what anyone else said said, did, or suffered because of it. At the same time though, I still don't think it's right. If you're going to willingly screw someone out of a job you know they should have, walk all over the people in your life, lie to people to get what you want out of life, and just downright treat other human beings like they don't matter......well, you're not a person I want in my life. You're not someone I want to associate with because I'd always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop, wondering when I was going to be the next one to have to suffer the consequences of your actions. The "what if" factor can be scary sometimes, stressful, hurtful to think about at times, but nonetheless I still find it necessary. If you don't consider the possibilities, then you are more likely than not going to make bad decisions and end up hurting and disappointing many people in many ways.

It's possible to get what you want out of life without being a total douche to the people around you. Strangers or loved ones, it makes no difference. It's not right. In my opinion people like this need to take a good look in the mirror, think about what they've done in their life, and for one moment consider the possibilities of "what if....."