Queen For A Week

*points to the title* I'm serious! They actually picked me this time. Weird, I know. And quite honestly not something I thought would EVER happen no matter how long I stayed there. What am I talking about though? Right, an explanation would probably help. Most of my readers, if not all of them, are fellow members of AW so you already know what's going on... for the most part.

Inside of AW there are about a million or so threads (ok, not literally that many, but there are quite a few) and one of them is called Royalty for a Week. What happens is a person is chosen to become King or Queen for the whole week and they can do pretty much anything they like during their reign.

Direct quote from the very first RT post -
"Anyone can name another person on this board King/Queen of the Day. Just post here to say who you're electing and why, and let the fawning begin! Everyone else can join in to say why they appreciate that member, and the royal member gets to make royal decrees and stuff."

(Obviously it was changed to the week versus the day because things moved too quickly.)

We've had rulers showcase fellow AW writers, have their subjects participate in stories throughout the week, all kinds of different things. The point of the thread is to give someone at AW a little bit of recognition they wouldn't normally get.

I never thought that I would be picked as Queen. And OMG! I don't remember ever having so much fun and doing so much work all at the same time. I have friends who have ruled in the past and I thought I understood them when they said how much work it really was. I mean, of course it was a lot of work, but I didn't. Not until last Sunday when, much to my surprise, I recieved a rep asking if I would like to accept the crown. I almost said no. My fear of killing the thread was enough for me to not want to do it. But a little voice inside my head was telling me, just do it and see what happens. And quite honestly, the previous Queen who handed me her crown is a friend of mine and she was having trouble finding a replacement (that happens a lot actually) and I didn't want to tell her no. She had done an excellent job as Queen for her week and I really did feel honored that she even thought of me. So, I accepted.

Now, when I took on the position of Queen I was prepared for the people who would come in there and not even show me recognition, (which of course did happen) and the ones who would come in and show recognition, but who would make a joke out of the fact that I was the one picked. Some people did this less publicly than others, but it still happened. Whatever. It's ridiculous. What are we, teenagers? I'm not saying I haven't been miffed on occasion this week, because I have. But as one of my VERY wise friends told me, "They do it just to push your buttons so don't let it bother you." Excellent advice!

So I set my irritation at the less supportive aside and decided to have some fun with my friends this week. That was my goal right from the start. So my best friend and I got together and started working on this Fantasy story because I chose to make it a Fantasy themed week. Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore anything Fantasy related. And no, I'm not meaning whips and chains so get your minds out of the gutter.

Over the course of the week I have had more people than I thought participating and it has been more fun then I ever imagined it would be. Obviously there are people who don't care for our story, but I don't give a sh*t about them. I have succeeded in my original goal as Queen to have fun this week, as have my friends. So, all in all, I'm happy. It has been a VERY long week and I have neglected other things during that time that I must get back to once my reign is over. But I wouldn't go back and change my decision even if I could.

So here's a HUGE hug and the biggest thank you to everyone who was kind enough to join us this week. I couldn't have done it without you guys. And I do hope that you will treat my successor with the same respect, love, and devotion you have shown me.

Yes, I know who I'm choosing next, and no I'm not telling you. Guess you'll just have to come on over and find out.

Foolish

Ok, so here I am again. It's Sunday afternoon and I have just finished something I thought would take me MUCH longer than it did. I'm sitting here on my comp with music playing in the background, and I started thinking about a few things I forgot to put on my last post. And since there is NOBODY AROUND and I am very easily bored, I figured why not post to my blog again....

So, first of all, the winner for the "What Genre Do You Read?" poll, even though it was multiple choice, is Sci-Fi/Fantasy, with Mystery/Thriller/Suspense coming in a close second. Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll, it is greatly appreciated.

I don't have brilliant thoughts. Or even thoughts that would be classified in the smart area. I look through things that my friends write and I wonder how in the world they can express themselves the way they do. I try to and just end up doing the following: confusing people, rambling on and completely leaving the point, not making any sense whatsoever, or just boring the pants off people. Seriously, if you know me then at least part of you knows this is true. You may not want to admit it, but it is. What do I know how to do besides flirt with anyone I deem worthy and act like a moron? Nothing, that's what. And for the record, the whole flirting thing HAS to stop. It does me no good. All it does is get me into trouble and put me in situations that I would rather avoid in the end. Being a natural flirt, it's hard to shut it off, but I am damn determined to do just that. (See? Getting off the point again.)

Anyway, some people I know think that I am smarter than I actually am. I don't know where they get ideas like that because, if they've actually listened to the things I have said, it is perfectly clear that I am far from smart. I can't offer insight to a person's situation and help them resolve whatever problem they are having like others can because I never know what to say to them. Ever! I always feel lame about it too because I would love to be able to help my friends. That's what friends do for each other. And I have a few friends who help me out practically on a daily basis and I can't seem to return the favor when they need it. When people around me are having discussions about something in politics, or history, or almost any other subject, I just sit back and watch the conversation. I don't contribute because I can't. I don't know what to say. In person I am extremely shy and I don't speak my mind the way I do when I'm on my computer. I will not open my mouth around people just because I am afraid that they will think what I have to say is as stupid as I think it is. There are certain occasions where I do speak my mind but generally those only happen when I'm pissed off about something. Then watch out! I take no prisoners. I am ruthless at those times. But the crap I say isn't smart, it's just emotional shit that is better left alone and unexpressed.

It seems that, these days, my emotions are taking a ride on a rollercoaster. I have days when I'm content and quiet, but for the most part it is either at the extreme where I am a total wreck and can barely function, or I am obsessed with one thought alone and nothing will deter me from it no matter what I try. I hide it well when I'm in one of my wreck modes. I hide it from my friends and from my family because I don't want them worrying about me. They have other concerns than my current state of mind, or continuing state of mind. But some days it is very hard indeed to pretend like nothing is bothering me. It's becoming harder and harder to pull myself out of these depressed states when it happens. I thought that keeping a journal, a private one that nobody but me knows the location of or what's written in it, would help me out, but all it has done is make me even more upset when I use it. Instead of these feelings at least alleviating a little bit, they seem to become stronger when I put my thoughts down. I was always told, like everyone else, that bottling these things up is never a good idea. But maybe it's best not to let the people around you know just how miserable you are with your life and how helpless you feel to change anything about it.

Another thing is, I don't make smart decisions regarding my life, or even some of the people I associate with. I am friends with people I have no business being friends with, and I could care less. It's completely selfish of me to keep these friends around for me and my amusement, but that is why I do keep them around. Not smart. Foolish. And quite frankly, mean as hell. If they knew who they were I'm sure they'd kick me in the ass and turn their backs on me. Who could blame them? It's what I would do if I found out that somebody was just pretending to be my friend. And more to the point, it's what I deserve and I know it. But just because I know it doesn't mean that I'm going to change it. All of you who think you know me, really don't know me that well. Until now you never realized just how horrible I can truly be at times. There are friends I have that I truly love and appreciate more than they will ever know. And there are some in particular that I don't know what I'd do without at this point in my life. I just hope I never have to know.

Bored Post About Something That Interests Only Me

I am so damn bored right now. It's Saturday night, 11:29 by my comp clock, and I'm bored out of my fucking mind. But I'm being stupid right now, sitting around waiting for somebody to show up that probably won't show up.

IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!

Is there anyone you do that for? Just sit around with the comp on just in case they decide to show up? Or is it just me? Sometimes I think it's way dumb, but I just can't help myself. I enjoy talking to this person too much to NOT be around if they decide to show up. Besides, I can multi-task with the best of them. While I'm writing this I am also in IM with a friend, I have Smallville Season 6 on in the background... it's an episode that I don't like as much as the others so I don't mind missing every little detail. It's not like I've never watched it before.

Anyway, back to my original rant. Why do I feel the need to sit here and wait for someone who may not even show up this evening? Why do I double check my IM every half hour or so, even though I know this person hasn't showed up yet because I have little messages that tell me when peeps sign on, to see if they are here? Why do I spend so much time speaking with this one person? Because they are a good friend and help me when I'm feeling down or having a crappy day? Because they help me with my writing when I need it? I honestly don't know why I am drawn to this particular person more than some others. There are certain aspects of said person that I cannot seem to pull myself away from no matter how hard I try. And where it's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm not sure it's a good thing either. (That may not make sense to you, but it does to me so.) Especially since I wait on tenterhooks for said person to IM me when their name shows up.

Me thinks that's stepping into the territory of obsession. And I've tried telling myself, "I'm not talking to that person, just close out the IM window when you get the message and pretend like you're not around." But I just can't seem to do it. And it disappoints me when I see that person's light on, but they don't IM me. God! I sound like a child. Grow up! I mean, I know that the person has more important things to do than to talk to me every chance they get. And quite honestly, I can be sooooooo boring at times. Most of the people I talk to in IM just leave without saying goodbye I get so boring.

So, what is it about this particular person that, even if we aren't talking, it's nice to know they are there? I DON'T KNOW! I'm trying to figure that one out at the moment. Maybe it's just a phase and I'll get over it. It is a bit childish when I really start to think about it and analyze it. I'm an adult and I should start acting like one.


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Sunday afternoon.....

*looks up at what she wrote the night before and sighs in exasperation*

Oy, this is why you shouldn't type things when you're all hopped up on drugs for pain. I woke up this morning and couldn't remember what in the world I'd written. I don't know what came over me last night, I have half a mind to delete the damn post so it's not taken in the wrong way.

Screw it, I can't do that. I just wouldn't be me if I deleted something in fear of what others might think about it. Sheesh Sneaks, waffle much.

Today is going to be a weird day, I can tell that already.......

Oh, and there's a new poll on the sidebar. :D

Editing My Own Work

I suck at this. I suck soooo bad at this very thing that if I start editing my work, every word ends up in the trash. I am Queen of the backspace key I tell you. Princess of delete. They are my two best friends when I edit my work, and even at times while I'm writing.

Stupid? Yes.
Ridiculous? Absolutely.
Ludicrous? Ah, that's the one.

I mean, how am I ever supposed to be a good writer if I can't even edit my own work properly? A friend of mine knows about said idiocy and tells me what I need to do. Do you think I listen? Haha, nope. Even when I try to do what I'm told it doesn't work out for me. A few days ago I was editing my current SS and doing fairly well, at first. Then I started on the newest section that I have written and it went downhill from there. I had to stop myself, close the damn story, and even close Word so I wouldn't be tempted to do any more damamge to it. The thing is, the story is only five pages total so, it's not hard to edit right? Riiiight, sure it isn't.

It's hard for someone who can't stand to see how she writes because she knows for a fact that it's not good enough. My ideas are good, that I will brag about a little, but the way the stories are written is not. They are always filled with shit that doesn't need to be there. I swear when I finish this story and hand it to my friend, I'll get it back and more than half the words will be gone. Ramble much?

So what do I do? I try, really I do. It's just that when I'm writing a story I tend to like what's going on so much that I don't really pay attention to everything I'm writing. (Some of you out there will not understand that, but others will.) Then when I get to the editing process I look at my WIP and say WTF?!?!?!?! What were you thinking when you wrote that line? Or, various other things that aren't fit to print, warning on the blog or no. Hit the backspace key again... yep, it always comes back to that.

Another HUGE problem I have when I'm writing, not even to the editing yet, just the writing, is that I don't show enough of what's going on. I tell it. Idiot! Who's going to want to read a book like that? Nobody, that's who. I know people, writers, who tell me they went through the same thing and that eventually I will get better at it. I know they're right, I just wish it wasn't taking so long. That's another stupid thing, you have to be patient when you're a writer. If you are not prepared to wait..... and wait..... and wait, for your book to be published, then you won't get what you want out of it.
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Ok, so I got pulled away last night in the middle of my rant and now I don't even remember the rest of what I was going to say. Great. Not surprising really. It was probably just more rambling anyway.

So, I was thinking this morning about the one book I have managed to finish and how I haven't done any rewriting on it in ages. There are many reasons for this, one being the idiocy previously mentioned, but mostly it's just that the story doesn't interest me as much as it used to. I was hoping that taking a break from it would help, but it hasn't. The novel I finished is in the M/T/S genre and everything else I've been working on lately is in Fantasy. I suppose that's just the writing mood I'm in these days. That happens a lot with me. I can go months writing nothing but one genre and then suddenly I'll want to go back to the other one. An idea will hit me or there will be some part of a story I have to fix because I just can't stop thinking about it.

I guess that explains why I have 11 stories total on my hard drive. That includes the finished, well first draft anyway, of my first book. There are 6 in the Fantasy genre, 4 in M/T/S, and 1 that I have no clue where it should be classified. It started out as a short story for a particular place and has blossomed into a 19 part story so far, where hardly anything happens, but it is filled with tons of people. I know it may not sound like it from that description but I love writing that story. I take too long to get new segments out sometimes but my loyal readers are always pleased, and that makes me very happy indeed. Crap, rambled on again, my point was that not all of these stories are even more then a few pages long. I get an idea, I write a few scenes that I'm thinking about, I make little notes here and there about things I want to happen, or a certain way I want a character to be. But on some of these stories I can't seem to move any further. So they sit there. I like the ideas too much to just throw then away. Weird considering what I said before, but true. Outside of the ideas though, it's mainly the characters I want for each story that keep me interested in them so much, even though I can't seem to write anything. I know most of my MCs pretty well, but there are some that I don't know anything about. Oddly, one of my MCs eludes my understanding in some of her thinking, but I write her story more than any other. It's weird how that sometimes happens I think. You should know the person you're writing about, right? I mean, at least most writers do. But then again, I don't follow the norm most of the time. :)

Oh, and just a little heads up, new pics will be posted shortly after this is.

Geez, what a slacker!

Has it really been since the 22nd that I did anything on here? Good gracious what am I thinking? No new pics, no new rambling nonsense from me. There's something wrong with this picture.....

......

Ok, that's better. I just added 12 new pics down at the bottom so that's done. I finally posted some that I thought I had already posted. Iggit moments are abounding this week it seems.

So, what have I been doing that's been keeping me away you ask? School, that's what. I started on Monday and I have to admit I love it. I've already received a grade on one of my assignments and it was FAR better than I thought it would be. 29/30 SWEET!! So anyway, I'm getting some help from friends too bcs I'm so nervous about the things I say in my papers sometimes. But my friends are excellent and willing to help me when I'm feeling stupid so I love 'em for it.

And while I'm sitting here writing this I am being distracted by some of my peeps showing me more fantasy art and I can't resist checking them out. They are too damn cool to pass up. I have restricted myself to some of the pics I have posted here, warning or not. There are sooooo many I have that I'd like to put up but I don't want someone to stop coming here bcs they are offended or embarrassed by the pics I put up. You'd think I wouldn't really care cause this is my blog, right? Well, I care what my followers think, they are my friends after all.

So, lemme know peeps. Would you be offended if you saw, not only half nekkid pics, but completely naked pics? Here's my deal. I love art in any form. But I particularly like fantasy pics and quite honestly the majority of those are women. I know there are some with men in them, a lot of those, but I think the pics I have are beautiful. Just let me know what you think. Cause if my lovelies really don't mind even sexier pics then I will start adding those as well.

Ok, so on to my writing. I have started this short story that is being edited at the moment.... *coughs and looks in the direction of her editor* .... but I am hoping to maybe post parts of it here, maybe all of it. I haven't decided yet. I think it's a good story and so far my editor, and a few others who have read it, think it's good too. It's in the Fantasy genre, of course, and it's about a witch who has been living in "our world" for many years, centuries. And her lover from her own world comes here to bring her back home. Now, I have written this in segments, three or four so far if memory serves, and the last one I ended with her walking through a portal into her old world at her old lover's side, willingly. If you haven't read this story there is a place you can do so. Here is the addy...

http://looneybin.forumotion.net - which is what I lovingly call Greeny's Cyber-baby

Check out her forum if you haven't done so already and sign up if you find it interesting. She is just getting started over there but I think her place is amazing. It's fun to go there and post, read others' posts, chat together in the chat box. It feels like a little family there and I love the fact that she set it up and wants it to expand. I swear that girl was born for stuff like this. So, check it out. And don't forget to read the other stories that are happening over there as well. There is another one by me and one that is AWESOME that is being written by our beloved Cali.

I believe I have bored the pants off of everyone reading this so it's time to say goodbye for now. I promise I won't be so long in between posts next time.