When We Get What We Want

As much as I try, I can't make this blog what I originally intended it to be. I set it up with the hope that I would wax poetic on all kinds of subjects and that it would be, to some at least, somewhat educational...to a very mild extento to be sure. But I never took into consideration, at that time anyway, how truly emotional and personal I really am. I can't make fun blog posts, I can't do witty comments and stories, I can't do educational information. Trust me, I've tried. Every time I go to write a post, which I haven't done since last year sometimes for various reasons, it turns out completely different from what I want it to. They usually turn into some emotional spew about whatever subject I'm rambling about. So, it's time to stop fighting the inevitable and just go with the flow. Because recently I have realized something I should have figured out a long ass time ago. And quite frankly something that everyone around me already knows about me as it is as obvious as the nose on my face. I am an extremely emotional person. At times sensitive to the point of ridiculousness, overreacting to a situation like I'm a child throwing a fit. What kind of 30 year old acts that way? Nevermind, that's another day's post I think. My point is that I'm done trying to make this blog, and myself, what it is not.

So, that being said I'm going to now rant, ramble, and spew emotion on a subject I've spent quite a lot of time thinking about as of late.

Because you see, I have some limited experience on this subject.

So here's my question to you...What do we do when we finally get what we want? Now keep in mind that I mean anything; new products on the market, houses, but even the friends and lovers we want. Rarely do we stand back and go, "Well, now that I have what I want, I can stop being such a pain in the ass and enjoy myself for a while." No, what we do is look at what we've been trying to get, then look for the next best thing after it. Is anything ever good enough?

When I got married I thought I'd finally had what I'd been wanting. For a while I was happy, but eventually I was looking for something better and different. Perhaps it was the situation I was in at the time, but one day I just ended it. I'm sure it was lots of things that finally just got to me, I don't know. I finally put a stop to the constant misery, sorrow, and heartache. That's not important though. What is important is that after it was all said and done and I got what I wanted, it doesn't really matter.

Though marginally more happy overall than I was a year ago at this time...as a few of you can atest to...there's still something, or rather a lot of things, missing. I want more. But at the same time I don't know what that more actually is. So maybe it's not the way I think. Maybe it's more of a what we *think* we want type situation and not really what we do want. I mean, lets face it, how many of us are actually truly happy with our lives and what we have?

Do I sound ungrateful or like the biggest pain in the ass? I don't try to. I just try to speak my mind...unfortunately when I do that, all those nasty and inconvenient emotions tend to surface and pop out.